A Life Long Wait... By Fleur and Zombierocker NEW!

As are MOST of the pieces I am involved in this is an Alternate Time line story..
The guys look like themselves but thay are not the boys in the band.
Zombierocker and I are REALLY excited about this..

And Now

A Life Long Wait



LLW chapter 1
=============



The dark haired boy sat in the room.

But he wasn't alone. No FAR from it. Lots of other people sat or milled about.

The room was dull, cold and bland. Like every other waiting room he had ever been in. His life was now a carosel of Doctors offices and medical units. It had been that wya for a while, but he was becoming more sure as each day went by that the ride, for him at least would NOT last much longer.

He was getting tired of the treatments, and protocols and alternative medicines. She Sure as hell hated the tradtional methods, they involved WAY too many needles, and headaches and vomiting.

And he couldn't even have a good time to show for it.

Nope. He was tired of the war. Tired of fighting, what looked to him, more and more, like a losing battle.

If only he had a reason to try and fight anymore.

Half of the kids he knew where either sick or dying, or worse DEAD. He'd been to WAY to many, WAY TOO early funerals. And had seen the insides of cancver units too many times already.

And that was BEFORE he got sick himself.

"Like Fuck I got "sick"!!..Discovered I was poisoned more like..We all were." The venom he felt would boil up every once and a while. But what good would it do him? It wasn't like That would help him fight his cancer.

Atleast his brother wasn't affected, at least not so far.

His family, and friends wanted him to keep fighting. So he sat. And he waited. And he hoped he'd find a reason to believe, believe it was POSSIBLe to face and fight this.

They thought he had beaten it once already. Gone into remission.

They were wrong.

So he sat. Hoping against hope that if they said he had a chance this time that they'd be right.

That was when She was rolled in.


"No MOM not ANOTHER specailist..Is HE gonna be able to help me any more than the last?"

Gerard smiled to himself. He knew EXACTLY how she felt. The pretty Girl with long brown hair grimaced.

They "parked" her not far from where he sat in his "wheels". A man and a woman, he guessed it was her mother and father went off to sign some papers and fill out forms at the front desk. The girl sighed weary of this scene being played over and over, and worse the arguements that almost always followed.

As she sat there in the waiting room and she heard a voice.

"Propably not..When you get this far down the road...you're kinda off the map if you know what I mean." he said as he smiled softly at her.
"I seen MORE of these places than I care to count, but I guess they must know something cause I'm still here.." he said with almost a look of disbelief and a shrug.
'What comfort..' She thought sourly, but then she realised he was trying to offer her words of comfort and care. Yet still she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

But he wasn't being mean or sarcastic. Infact he was kinda whispering conspiartorily to her. She noticed he had sucken eyes, but they were still bright.

He suddenly thought that, maybe, juuussst maybe he still had some fight in him.

She looked at him and realised he was probably very weak, weak enough that he was in a chair, not a borrowed hospital one, like she was. No, this looked like it was his own. It had stickers and scrawled marker all over it. From the back of it hung a cane, she guessed he could still stand with the help of that.

Even though his eyes were sucken into his face, his eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel, his dark hair was dyed, she could tell by the roots beginning to show. His smile was gentle though, as he gazed at her. No one had looked at her that way in a LONG time. He didn't seem to see the chair, maybe because HE was in one. No, he looked into her eyes, and with out pity. In fact she saw anything BUT pity.

He smiled shyly at her, the corner of his mouth twisting up.
"I'm..Gerard..I am sorry if I'm not much help but..Maybe You'll have better luck than me I sure hope so." he looked into her eyes and almost forgot what he was going to say..Some how he found words, but they didn't sound like the him, he'd been for a while now, Nope, this sounded WAY more like the old him, even though the words kinda tripped and stumbled their way out. "It'd be a shame if someone as pretty as you would have to be sick for too long."

'G's 'Rard screw that up somemore why don't cha?' he thought to himself as he waited for her to laugh in his face.

The laughter never came.
Maybe because she didn't have the chance, as his brother came in WAy too early for his likeing, THIS TIME, and began to roll him out the door way. Rardy sure as hell hoped that wasn't the reason why she didn't.

He called to her over his shoulder and Mikes began wheeling him out. "Hey! Hey what's your name?"He twisted in his chair to see her as long as he could.

"Robyn." was her simple answer.

He grinned. He was getting used to having pretty girls, hell girls in general, give him the cold shoulder. This was a pleasant change.

"Oh! Okay! Maybe I will see you around the doctor-go-round! I HOPE SO!!!"
He called as Mikes rolled him out of the room and away from her sight.

Robyn actually smiled a bit, and she Thought she was blushing, now that she thought maybe the compliment had been given in earnest. She thought maybe, just maybe he'd meant it for real.

"Mom? Maybe we COULD try this doctor for a while.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved this one...

______

- Hospital file -

Patient: (new) Roberta Appolinia Rhoades
Age- 20
Height- 5’ 5”
Sex- Female
Date- 12-31

A new patient was brought in today by her parents, suffering from stage four mesothelioma in her lungs. The cancer has also spread to her abdomen, causing stomach cramps. I explained to the patient and her mother that surgery was not an option with stage four because her cancer was still spreading and there was no way to get a clean margin. Also there is the factor that it may bring devastating damage to her internal organs. I did however tell them that chemotherapy could be used and has been highly successful in the past. I also said that if the chemo was unsuccessful that there was always the radiation therapy. I told the patient, like I do all others with sever cases to keep a record of the pain she feels through out the day.
After she left I reviewed her chest x-ray a second time and I am sure that it has progressed further than Dr Stump had told me in the referral. At that point he made it sound like maybe only stage two, but now the cancer is very close to the chest wall. I feel that if it gets that far there will be no saving this patient. We will start the chemo next week.

Signed,
RTO

- Diary Page -

Dear…pain log. XP
I am writing in here so that the stupid puffball of a doctor will know when I am in pain or not. I think this is the dumbest thing ever, but mom wants me to try it so here I am sitting on my bed and writing down how and why I hurt today.
Today I woke up and braved a bowel of oatmeal (plain oatmeal) for breakfast, which made my stomach cramp up for about an hour before I finally threw it up…I didn’t tell mom about it though. After that I went to the doctor where I met this sweet boy. He was sick too…like me. I wonder if he is gonna be okay. He seemed so sad, I wish I hadn’t been so awkward and had actually said stuff to him. I think I only told him my name. I am such a freakin’ reject it isn’t even funny. But I remember his name. Gerard…Gerard…I think its French…
Anyway, when I got home mom made me some veggie broth that I kept down and crackers that I didn’t attempt. Mom told me that she wants to move me to the downstairs guestroom. She said something about not wanting to wake up and find me passed out on the stairs. I told her that it wouldn’t be very likely to happen since my fall would probably wake her up, but she didn’t find it that funny.
I watched movies with a close friend who visited, and when he left I went to my bed…and here I am. Right now my stomach is cramping and I keep coughing, but not as bad as it could be I guess. I am now heading to bed, good night pain log.

(written in the corner of the page ‘six more days till I see him again’)


- Hospital file-

Patient: Gerard Arthur Way
Age: 21
Height: 5’ 9”
Sex: Male
Date: 12/31

The patient came in today for his weekly treatment. As always, he seemed less than thrilled about the treatment, flinching and complaining the entire time. When the treatment was over I talked to him about the fact that if the treatment did not take effect soon he would have to be hospitalized. The patient seemed unmoved and asked if he could leave. The way he is acting is a large contrast from the last time he was with me. I had been hoping for a quicker recovery this time, but it does not seem likely. I have already told members of the staff to prepare for his long term stay. I just hope we get it all this time.

Signed,
RTO


- Journal Page -

Went to the doctor today. Same as always. Threats of a permanent stay accompanied by the pain of the treatment. I am sick of this. On the plus side I did meet someone today…but I think I made a total jerk out of myself. I mean, the first girl I can actually bring myself to talk to in months and I stumble all over everything. She probably thinks I have something wrong with me. On the plus side it could be worse…Mikey could have let me stick around to hear her laugh in my face. Still…she did tell me her name.
Robyn….
I gotta remember it for next week…I hope I see her there…I hope I last.

Chapter 3
=============


As Gerard sat by the window he realised Just how nervous he was. He had thought about her all week. He now rememebered he'd seen her before, he even told his brother on the way to the hospital.
"Look Big Bro, I SAW you trying to spruce yourself up, but you do even know if she's gonna even BE there again. It's not like you two really know each other." That just irritated Gerard.

"BUT..We Do know each other, from before, sorta, I ..and I KNOW this is gonna sound corny, but I at least, admired her from afar."

"Oh brother..My brother the hopeless romantic drama slash english major. Next you're gunna tell me that you're gunna ask her out."

"Wull. We have ..I mean, not actually liked talked, except for last week, but we have seen each other before."
"Oh yeah Romeo where?"
"We keep passing each other, in.. in like specailists offices." Gerard said as he drew little pictures on the steam of the car window. Where the rain was causing condensation. He was anxious, for once to be at treatment on time.

"Oh great!" Mikes rolled his eyes. "That sounds so hot."
"Wull I KNOW it's only a smile here or there but still..." he said as he squirmed in his seat.

He HATED hospitals, but today he wanted to be there early. Just incase he missed her some how. If her appointment was after his, he wanted to have enough time to pull himself together aftertreatment to look presentable.

He looked out the side window.
"You should be happy. It's the most I've had to look forward to in a long time. I mean you, and her parents that's what you want, right? You want us to keep fighting, now maybe I got a reason to again. It was different when I wasn't the only one from the neighborhood still fighting."

Mikes realised he'd made been a little too hard on his brother. If this girl gave him hope, maybe the treatments would start working again. He tried to be encouraging. "Yeah well some have gone into remission, you could again too. Big Bro You gotta beat this thing..I dunno what I'm gonna do if you don't. Maybe you're right, maybe this girl will be there..After all how could she resist my older brother. The cancer ward Cassanova?"

"Ha ha, very funny." but as he looked back out the window again he was hoping against hope she'd be there and rememeber.
"Hey tell you what. I got the day off, and I don't have a date tonight till 7:30, IF Juliet shows up and you, I dunno wanna..ask her to lunch, we could stick around awhile..that's if you want."

"Oh Man Mikes! That'd be great! Y-you think she would? Say yes to lunch I mean?"
"Wull she has cancer, but she STILL has to eat. And what girl could say no to My brother?"

"Here lately, alot of them."

So it was in nervous antiscipation that Gerard endured the treatment. Forunately he was still an outpatient. He was thankful his doctor hadn't decided to move on to more aggressive treatment yet. Aggresive equaled a hospital stay. AGAIN.

At least last time he wasn't alone. This time who knew?

He got himself together after they pulled the needles out. They never stopped giving him the creeps. Even just the sight of those needles, let alone the treatments themselves, Usually made him sick to his stomach.

But today all he could think about was if 'Robyn' was going to be out there when he got out to the waiting room. He hoped he'd not missed her. Maybe if Mikes saw her he'd say something to her for him, if she got taken back, before he could come out.

He managed to walk out of the treatment leaning on his cane. "Here hard head." his brother said as he rolled the chair up. "If she comes in better you be in a chair than fall flat on your face."
"I guess you're right. Then I haven't missed her? Have you been looking Mikes?"

"I been doin' more than that." He leaned over and whispered to his brother. "See that pretty nurse over there? That's Nurse Daisy. She saw you talking to Robyn last week. When I asked her if there might be a Robyn scheduled for today, she said she couldn't give out patient information. BUt if she had left something here last week, like a hat or gloves.."
"But we left, you took me out last week before she was out of-"
"Listen lame brain. IF she left something, Delightful Daisy over there," he waved as he spoke about her and the nurse preened. "She said there was a good chance we could return it to her today. Understand? She Can't tell us Robyn's Going to be here, but .."

"OH!" Gerard's mind finally clicked in.
"Yeah! That's it. It still works I see."
Gerard blushed a bit. "The meds make me foggy sometimes."
"And before you got sick? What was you're excuse then?"
"Quit it. I am you're older brother, and I'm sick. You should be being nice to me."

"And I am which is exactly why, I, am going back to try and get Daisy's number and see if she's free tonight."
"Wait! Mikes you said you had a date at 7:30?"
"Yeah, but I could pick Daisy up by ten easy...But, I gotta get her to say yes first. So.. you can sit here, by the window, and wait all by yourself, with out me hovering over you."
He rolled him to his favorite spot. One where he could look out the window and watch the door.

Robyn meanwhile had tried to look nicer too, Just incase he was there again. She wore a nicer sweater and a pair of dark stockings under her longish skirt. She even put on a tiny bit of makeup.

As they rolled her in she saw him sitting staring out the window. She noticed he's tried to spruce himself up a bit. She smiled abit to herself as she saw him looking down to the street, whiping his sweaty( she assumed)hands on his pants.
'Aww' She thought 'is he really getting all pretty just for lil' ol Byn?' She thought sarcastically to herself.
But out loud she called to him as she got rolled in, trying to not sound too harsh. It was after REALLY sweet he was even trying.
"Interesting veiw stranger?"
He turned towards the sound of her voice and his whole face brightened.
But it was obvious, even to Byn, that he was sicker than last week. He rolled himself over to greet her, his voice be a bit thinner.

"Hey!" He licked his lips nervously, he had been afraid his hands would be too sweaty to even push himself over. And he wasn't sure he would even find his voice. He had been rehearsing in his head, during the nightmare Dr. Ray called treatment, what exactly he was going to say to her. But now that she was here, he could barely rememeber his own name "Hi Robyn." He squeaked out. She smiled he had rememebered her name.

"Hey Gerard. Funny meeting you here." He grinned ear to ear, puffing up a bit in his chair. She had remembered his name too.

"Hey..I was wondering if you decided to try the program? I mean I was hoping you would..I mean I thought I might see you again..." He tugged nervously at his shirt collar. "At least I hoped I would. But..I..I may not be in the program like this much longer..The docs are thinking I might need more intensive treament.."He dropped his eyes from hers, He HATED being weak.

"They.. think..It might be time for me to ride the gurney again.." he somehow found the courage to look her in the eye again. "Robyn? Could we make exchange like I dunno email of something? I know I'm not much of what you would call date material. But I have been battling this a while and if you wanted someone to talk too..." He looked into her eyes hopefully. "M-maybe..I could help you some..?"

He didn't wait for an answer, afraid he wouldn't like the one he'd get. He turned to his brother, "Mikes? Th-This is the girl I was telling you about!" She followed his eyes to his brother who had come to stand behind him. His obviously younger, and bored brother, had a sour expression on his face. Mikes tried to be pleasant enough, he still appeared kinda surly. Gerard thought Daisy must've shot Mikes down.

"Hey, My Bro hasn't stopped talking about you all week." Gerard blushed bright red. Even though it was true, he was still kind of embarressed his brother had said it. Yet in a way he was glad he had too. He was SO releived when she hadn't laughed in face.

Just then Robyn's Mother came up to them. "Bynnie dear Dr. Toro will see you in a minute or two." She looked at the young darkhaired boy. She suppossed if he wasn't sick he'd be quite handsome.

"Hello? I'm Byn's mom. And you must be Gerard." Byn mentioned you a..few times this week."

That caught him off guard.
"UH? Me Mam? Oh Sorry Yes. I am Gerard..I'm one of the docs other patients."
"Yes my Byn mentioned you a..few times this week." Gerard was a bit taken aback by that..Robyn had mentioned him?
Still a bit flustered he turned to introduce his Little Bro.
"And.. this is my Brother, Michael, but he prefers Mikes." He worked up the courage to be a bit bolder.
"..I, I was telling Robyn if she needs someone to talk to, I've been fighting the Big C for a while now." Robyn's mom seemed to not be freaked out by a sick stranger talking to her daughter so he decided to risk opening up a bit more.
"It'll never break me. It can try but I won't give in." He smiled with out thinking about it as his eyes dropped from her mom's back to Robyn's. "Especailly NOT now." He said almost under his breath.

"What a charming young man Byn. Such a refreshing change. This young man has some manners."
Robyn's mom had be hoping to encourage him and it appearently worked.
"Mam? If it'd be alright could I, well we could, stick around till after Robyn's appointments over and we all could maybe eat down in the cafeteria..The foods NOt that bad really, maybe I could help you both find your way around here..Would that be okay?"

"My name is Lillith young man."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mam."
"Gerard, my name is Lillith as I said. As far as lunch, that is up to my Bynnie girl if she feels up to it. But I think that is a wonderful idea."
"Really?!" He looked at Byn "Well? What do ya say?", he was visibly holding his breath.

Lillith felt sorry for poor Gerard and tried to make Byn laugh and perhaps her daughter would go easy on the boy. "Of course Gerard she won't go unless her mother likes the young man..and I don't like being called Mam."

Byn smirked, her mother always knew how to handle people, with the exception of her own husband. And Lillith was SUCH a flirt. Maybe Byn could learn to be just a bit more like her.

She smilled her sunniest smile at the Cute, sick, perhaps very lonely boy.
"I will be out as soon and ol' frizzy head will let me leave." He brightened visibly and sat up a little straighter in his chair. Even his voice sounded stronger, even to Mikes.
"I'll be out here waiting."
"It's sounds to me as if it's a Date." Byn's mom chimed in, as Byn glared at her mom, and Gerard looked even more hopeful.

Mikes snickered. "I like your style Lillith. Cut right to the chase."

"Waisting time Mikes, is the worst sin of all." she replied as a different Nurse came and rolled her daughter away for treatment.

================

And again...
______
Robyn lay stiffly on the bed watching the nurse put an IV into her arm. She couldn’t help but flinch at the pinch of pain in her arm. She hated needles, but it was a compulsion to watch them do it. She thought it had to do with her want for some control in her life, though really she had no control at all over anything it seemed. She crossed and uncrossed her ankles on the bed nervously waiting for the treatment to end. The nurse stayed in the room with her, watching to make sure she wasn’t going to go into shock or anything as they pumped the poison
through her veins. The doctor had only looked in at her for a moment, she wondered if he was going to come back but she doubted it.
What felt like centuries later the nurse was pulling the needle out of her arm.
“You may want to wait a minuet or two before leaving, you might be a little light headed,” the nurse warned, but Robyn was in a hurry. She leapt off the bed and immediately her legs collapsed underneath her. The nurse dove to catch her and keep her from hitting her head. When he set her on her feet he gave her a small smile, “see, this is what I was talking about. You okay?”
Robyn nodded, her stomach already cramping from the chemo.
“I will be okay, just a little light headed.”
She took a step away from him after he set her on her feet, making sure she could keep her feet before moving on. The nurse motioned toward the chair, but she shook her head.
“Sorry, but as long as I can walk I want to keep walking.”
The nurse sighed and shrugged as she walked out of the room.
When she reached the waiting room she saw that her mother was still keeping Gerard and his brother company. She smiled to herself as she watched her mother oozing her usual charm. Robyn was often jealous of her mother’s confidence in public, wishing that it had rubbed off on her just a bit, but so far she was still a bit too quiet.
She walked over to the group, her mother shooting her a concerned look when she saw that the chair was gone. Robyn gave her a frail smile before turning to Gerard and Mikey.
“So, how about that lunch. I am starved.”

About twenty minuets later the four of the were sitting at a large table, exchanging small talk here or there. Robyn sat poking her bowl of broccoli cheddar soup with a spoon. Her stomach was still hurting, and it was making lunch difficult. She hated not being able to eat, especially her favorite soup. Robyn looked around the dull dining hall, seeing the nurse that had been with her that day. She nudged her mother, who always wanted to know who it was that had helped Robyn incase something went wrong.
“So,” Mikey said, growing tired of the humdrum chitchat, “how did you get sick Robyn?”
Gerard nearly choked on his burger, turning to glare at his brother.
“What? I am curious. I mean, you didn’t go to school here right?”
Robyn blushed, “no…I um, we lived a few towns over. We moved here for the doctors that came for the epidemic.”
She turned to Gerard, guessing that he was one of the many that were effected by it.
“We heard about what happened here, that was so awful, all those kids getting so sick. It must have been so frightening here.”
She looked over at her mother, waiting to see what she was going to say about this, but she was going to let Robyn tell it herself. Her mother gave her a small smile and excused herself from the table. Robyn was glad she did, it was always hard to tell it around her mother.
“I started getting sick when I was about seventeen. You know a bad cough here or there. Nothing too bad, at least for a while. Then I started to get stomach pain too. It was around this time that my parents were fighting a lot, all that pre-divorce crap. Dad thought that I was just faking for attention, but mom was starting to worry. I tried not to complain, cause when I did they fought more, so I kept it to myself. It was only when I coughed up blood a few times that I worried. I told a friend of mine about it so see what he said and he went to my mother. It wasn’t long after that that I was diagnosed with mesothelioma. I was about eighteen and it had already spread a lot. You get that from breathing in asbestos. My dad didn’t understand how I got that, we had a new house and I went to a new school…a good school. ‘How does a healthy kid get this?’ The best anyone could guess is that I took a shortcut from school through a factory that had closed down. They couldn’t test it since it had been demolished about four years before, but they thought that was the problem. It wasn’t long after that mom began searching for specialists, but it’s been about two years and I am still around.”
Robyn shrugged a little, looking at Mikey and Gerard’s pale faces.
“D…does it hurt?” Gerard asked.
“Yeah, sometimes a lot. Right now I am okay though.” She lied, she didn’t want them to know everything that went on with her. Not yet anyway.
“What kind do you have?”
Mikey tapped Gerard’s head and his brother shoved his hand away, “um…brain tumor this time around.”
“Oh,” Robyn said softly, she didn’t know he had suffered two different ones.
“Eh, it isn’t so bad, just headaches. Not like before.”
Robyn didn’t get a chance to ask about before since her mother came back to the table looking grim.
“Come on Bynnie, we must be going. Your father is insisting that we have a meeting.”
Robyn nodded, frowning, then turned to the boys.
“Um…thanks for lunch Gerard. It was very sweet.” She blushed a little, not knowing what to say.
“Uh…yeah. Maybe we can do something again next week…so we don’t dread it so much.”
Robyn smiled at him, seeming to brighten up, “sounds great! It’s a date!”

Chapter 5

Lillith wiped her mouth and excused herself from the table. She knew Byn felt uncomfortable telling her tale with her mother hovering over her. Robyn had pointed out an attractive youngish, male nurse that had helped her. Lillith wanted to thank him. She made a point of doing so to everyone who had at least tried to help her daughter.

She walked over as gracefully as she could smoothing her hair and dress. Lillith always wanted to be at her very best when ever she met some one new. One never knew how important that person may turn out to be in one's life.

As she approached the table the gentleman seemed lost in thought scribbling notes of some kind. As she almost reached the table the clicks of her heels seemed to catch his attention. He looked up and his jaw dropped. Lillith smiled, it felt GOOD. REALLY good to be looked at as though she were attractive again.
She loved her daughter, but she was tired of being looked at with pity. 'Oh there goes that poor woman and her dying daughter.'she would over hear people say. Lillith felt her hackles go up inside. She was not to be pitied and her daughter was most certainly NOT dying!

But it was her smile that the nurse saw. He had started at her clicking heels and slowly raised his eyes and the figure got closer. By the time he got to her face, his heart was racing. Somehow, with out even looking at her, he KNEW..it just HAD to be her.

He stood up to say hello, but the smile that greeted him made him weak in the knees. He knocked his soup over, catching it before it went all over his notes, and even worse all over her bright blue dress. The color not quite the deep rich tones in her eyes. He swallowed hard and tried to apologize. He found it hard to form any words. All his lips wanted, was to be kissing her, all his arms wanted, was to be holding her. His eyes drank the sight of her in. He felt his head spin.

"Oh My!" Lillith stepped aside from where the soup almost would have stained her dress. She looked back at him, a sunny smile on her face and laughter in her tone.
"I..I don't know whether to be Charmed or Alarmed sir...I'm Lillith Rhoades," she said as she offered him her hand, he took it and thankfully she didn't seem to notice how badly it was shaking. "I'm Byn's mother."
"Byn..?OH! Robyn!..Oh She did WONDERFULLY this morning!..One of the more pleasant patients to deal with." He said trying his best to smile back.
"And you are..?" "Oh..I'm..Sorry! My Manners are USUALLY much better than this..Would you like you sit down?" he said offering her his dry seat.. "Or we could move to another table?"
"That would be lovely."

The man stood up and walked away from his ruined meal, only grabbing his drink and his slightly damp notes. He quickly followed her, allowing her to choose the new spot. The tallish man was dressed all in white, head to toe, white jeans, white button down shirt and shoes, seemed eager to please her.

Lillith moved to a table near the window, the warm sun shining in.
"I hope you don't mind..I can keep an eye on My Bynnie from here. She is my only child..The reason I live and breath...I don't know what I will do if anything happens to her."
"Robyn..is strong, and it seems like she has A LOT of fight left in her." He followed Lillith's line of sight to the young people sitting at the table.
"The most important part in this fight is believing she can beat this cancer, and that she have a good reason to fight. Maybe now more than ever, she has a reason to believe."
"There is No better reason than Love.., I believe there is no stronger force..Maybe she does have MORE of an incentive..She certainly seemed more determined to come today..Since she met that young man last week, I've seen a change in her..One for the better. Besides I like young Gerard FAR more than the young..person she is currently seeing."
"I take it you are not fond of the object of Byn's affections."
"He is..good to her, and he DOES seem to care about Byn a great deal, but.."
"You just don't think he is right for Byn?" "No.., Isn't that silly of me..I have no good reason to think that he's wrong for her, but I do.."
The face across from Lillith was kind as he spoke to her.

"It's NOT silly. You know your daughter, probably better than she knows herself..Instinct, ESPECIALLY a mother's instinct is nothing to be laughed at or ignored. Besides heaven whispers, not shouts, what you may hear is heaven has different plans for her."
"You mean that niggly doubt, I might be hearing angels talking?" She was laughing and her eyes were merry.
"You never know..you might be hearing an Angel right now. I may be saying exactly what heaven wants you to hear." Lillith seemed to take some comfort in that.

"I am sorry your name again? And how are you involved in my daughter's care? Thank you by the way, she seemed very comfortable with you."
He was lost in thought for a moment, staring at her beautiful eyes and long dark hair. He shook his head and cleared it. "Oh..I..I Am a nurse in the oncology department, I spend part of my time in Dr. Toro's office and part of my time in the actual Cancer Care Center..I deal in critical care as well. I am assigned cases to sort of act as an advocate or a guide, when they actually are admitted. I am hoping that Byn won't need my services..But honestly.."

"She will have to come in for some treatment is that what you are going to say?"
"I am afraid so,..but Cancer does NOT necessarily mean a death sentence anymore. Look at young Way there..This is his second go round, and he's not given up..If anything today he seems more determined to fight than he has for a long, long time. I Believe that is BECAUSE of your Robyn. Maybe they will give each other the will to fight."

Lillith's phone began to buzz annoyingly in her pocket. She took it out, "Excuse me.." she apologized and then Frowned as she recognised the number. "I'm sorry I have to take this.." "No please.. go ahead."

She turned away slightly. "No..No J- JOHN!,,We are still in the hospital..Yes I know what time it is..Robyn..her treatment went well." She looked at the Nurse who nodded. "Very Well." "Sorry... John VERY Well..She's made a new friend and she was hungry so we are..YES..we will..Fine!" She snapped the phone shut..

"Sorry, things are..difficult at the moment. Robyn's father and I are separating..He doesn't agree with all of my medical choices for Byn..We have Byn battling for some time now..So at least that will be one less battle front for Byn and I."

"Oh?" "Divorce. And I will have FULL custody of Byn. It'll be on my shoulders to make All of the decisions..I just hope I make the right ones..."
"Listen to your heart, and the whispers, you'll make the right ones, and then pray and but it in heavens hands..that's the best you can do." Lillith looked at the pale skinned, almost serene face and oddly felt better.
"I am sorry, you were about to tell me your name when my..soon to be ex called..What was it?"
"It's a REALLY old name, hard to pronounce..You can just call me A.A. if you want..or Az for short." She stood up and held out her hand again he took it and shook it. She leaned over and kissed his cheek as he was standing up.
"I can't thank you enough..Az..Thank you for being kind to my daughter..It was a pleasure to meet you." He phone started to buzz again, and the annoyance was hard to ignore. The blonde figure in white stood watching her go.
"No Lillith, once again, pleasure was ALL mine."

Chapter 6

Gerard sat by his window in his room staring out at the rain. It wasn't a pretty evening. The wind was howling and the rain coming down in sheets, the sky that weird night pink. But Gerard didn't really see any of it..All he saw was in his minds eye.

All he saw was Robyn.


He looked down at the random doodling he had been doing in the upper corner of his Journal. Byn, byn, bbyynn, was drawn in all sorts of various styles. He sat there smiling as he thought of her...

Her mom wasn't too bad, if you liked older women. The Nurse..the strange one that looked SO MUCH like him, sure did. The poor guy had made a mess when Byn's mom had tried to thank him.

Gerard laughed as he thought of it and a that didn't make the head ache he had an better. "It hurts worse when I laugh.., so much for laughter being the best medicine."

He went back to trying to draw her when he saw a bright white light and he screamed in pain as his felt like it was exploding. He dropped his pencil and fell to the floor. Mikes came in running... "DAISY Call 911!" he yelled as she ran in after him. Mikes was stilling pulling on his shirt, and Daisy was trying to straighten herself as she ran. Mikes had convinced her to come back to this place, His OLDER brother's apartment, BEFORE his 730. He had moved in to keep an eye on his older brother and this was EXACTLY why.

Mikes had seen these seizures before and had learned to keep Gerard safe..But he'd NEVER learn to just accept that this was his brother's fate..All because of someones greed and Gerard's two childhood loves..Soccer and one particular girl named...Barbie.

Mikes hit his emergency dial number on his phone even while moving stuff away from his brother so he wouldn't hurt himself. "Barb..he's having another one..He might need you babe." He nodded once and snapped the phone shut and very carefully tried to get close to his brother. He managed to slide his legs under Gerard's convulsing body, and pulled him onto his lap. Mikes tried to talk to him, that usually seemed to help him come out of it. He reached out trying to smooth his hair, he had seen Barbie do it and sometimes it helped,
"But then again, maybe that's BECAUSE it was Barb.."

Mikes tried to talk to Rardy, voices seemed to act like an anchor for his brother when this happened..He tried gently teasing him, maybe that would get through to him even in his confused and tormented state.
"Ooh YOU ARE in the SHIT for sure now bro...Barb's mad.."

Her name at least seemed to get through..Mikes wasn't sure because he'd said it, his brother's seizures had lessened, or because the seizures we're burning themselves out anyway, when he'd made the threat. But he sure as hell seemed to hear.

"b- barb? Barb's comin'?"He said shakily, but there was a note of hope in his voice, now beginning to shiver.
"Yeah n bro, you better start fighting again, otherwise she'll be WAY pissed off."

Chapter 7

Gerard heard his brother say Barb...was she REALLY coming? Gerard hated to lean on her so much. After all he couldn't give her much in return.

They had been friends since childhood. Barbie as he liked to teasingly call her had moved to the neighborhood when she was very small. Too small for either of them to remember what life was like without the other. It seemed the other was just always there.

One day when Gerard was the 'Oldest' tallest kid on the soccer team they held try outs for the winter indoor league. And his Friend Barb showed up. He couldn't figure out what SHE was doing at try outs.

Gerard had been playing almost since he could walk. His dad had been a real soccer 'hooligan'. A fanatic. When Gerard, as a toddler, had manged to kick a soft stuffed soccer ball by accident. He had been walking along, so small he was still holding on to couches to steady himself. Seeing that was ALL Papa Way needed. He signed 'Rardy up as soon as he was allowed.

By the time he was seven Gerard was a soccer maniac. He could play ANY damn position on the field. He was a great goalie. But he loved being a play maker the best. He loved hearing the cheers as he sent that ball flying through the net over and over again.

Now at the ripe old age of ten, he was considered, in his neighborhood, a soccer star.

And he wasn't the slightest bit afraid of any boy, big or little. But playing against girls was a whole other thing.

Gerard's mama had told him to NEVER hit a girl. And his pops had warned him.
"A real man doesn't do that. IF I ever catch you doing some thing like that. Disrespecting some young lady ..YOU will have to answer to me."

So when they played other co-ed teams Gerard often didn't play his hardest. He didn't want to accidentally hit or hurt some girl.

They all boy team he played on was in a coed league, there just weren't any girls in his neighborhood interested in playing such a rough sport with the boys.

The try outs went quickly, basically the same kids signing up for the same positions as last season and the season before that. All Gerard had to do was show up. Any and ALL of the coaches wanted him for their team. He had his choice of who he'd be playing for.

He knew he wanted to pick the The Blue Knights, because they had a knight on horse back on their team jacket. He knew too that his parents were happy he'd picked a parish team.

The Blue Knights of Our Lady of Sorrows. Their team symbols were the knight on horse back on the jacket and a big white Fleur De Lis, the symbol of the virgin, adorned their royal blue uniforms. They were the sharpest in the southeastern division.
"He's gonna be playing for God." His Dad proudly told the guys down at the bar.

At the try outs they asked if anyone who had never played wanted to see if they could maybe earn a slot on the team. "After all Gerard needs to take a swallow and a piss every once and a while. He can't play the WHOLE game all by himself." The coach joked.

Barb raised her hand.
"I'd like to try." they heard the little girl say.
"BJ..You can't play...you're a girl." They heard little Mikes say. He was seven and always said what he was thinking.

Gerard was more worried about if they didn't pick her for the blue knights. What if he had to play AGAINST, Barb?

Gee ran to her and said.
"Listen..don't you wanna try something else? Maybe..I dunno dancing , or something?"
"Why? Just cause I'm a girl?"
"Wull YOU ARE!" He said getting angry.
"NO I wanna try this. It IS co-ed that means I can play TOO!"

Coach interrupted, what was quickly turning into a shouting match.
"That's okay..Lets put her into a scrimmage and see how she does.." The coach winked at Gerard, he leaned down and whispered to him. "This'll scare her off."

He called in four more of the biggest oldest boys that had been playing as long or longer than Gee had. Some of these kids already had scholarships lined up playing like they did. They all intended to scare the little girlie away.

Little did they know.

That little slip of a girl could run circles around those boys. Her pony tail went flying as she cut in and around those bigger boys. The only one that was any were near as quick as she was was Gerard. He knew if she kept playing the way she did one of the other Coaches would snatch her up in a second! He REALLY didn't want to play against her. He called for time out and ran to the coach.

"Can we try Barb and I on the same team?" his coaches eyes sparkled with visions of team championships in his head.
"If that's what you want to try my boy. Let's do it."

Coach whistled and rearranged the teams. It wasn't long before Gee got pinned down in a donnybrook. Three bigger older boys crowded him, hemming him in with his back against the wall.

When outta no where came this little whirlwind. She slammed into one of the bigger boys opening a hole for Gee to get out. She turned on a dime and helped set the ball up as Gee kicked it out and away from the wall. The boys followed the ball and tried to intimidate the little hellcat of a girl. She shot the ball right through their legs to Gerard. He had a clear easy shot on goal. He took it and everyone their knew a team was born, a partnership made.

Sometimes things don't take a lifetime to work out right.

Gerard grinned at Barb and walked over intending to shake her hand. She hauled off and slugged him.
"You took it easy on me before coach re-arranged things. I don't want easy. I want you to play your best so I look even better when kick your stupid butt!" She yelled before walking away in a huff.

"Coach?" Gerard said. "Can we PLEASE get her for our team?..I don't want her to slug me again..Sides..I'm just a little bit scared of her. When she gets mad she's scary."

Coach smiled down at him. "They ALL are kid." Barb's dad walked up behind him, having seen what his 'daddy's girl' had done. He had heard Gerard ask and coaches' response. He felt compelled to put his two cents in.
"But Gaaahd the can be beautiful when they are angry."

Gerard looked at Barbie, now sitting in a corner, angry and pouting, her arms crossed and her eyes blazing.

Suddenly he knew exactly what coach and Barbie's dad meant.
"I don't want her playing with any other boys, I mean teams! I mean Teams! If you want me coach. I want HER on MY team."His mind was obviously set.

The two older men smiled at each other. The both had been young boys with crushes once too. Gerard's dad had walked up just in time to hear his boy's last comment.
'Oh Lord', he thought, 'so it begins...'

Barbara Joan's father spoke to the young man.
"You want my little girl on your team?..You're gonna have to defend her and take care of her..Always know if she needs help."
"Yes Sir..I will sir..Heck I'll even slug a girl if they try to hurt Barbs.."
No one had noticed Barbie walking up behind her father and G's dad.
"And I'll haul off and hit anybody, boy or girl, that tries to donny you again." And they did just that.

Gerard became fearless when it came to defending Barb and she with him. Together they were unstoppable. They seemed to be able to cover the field almost just the two of them by themselves. And as they got older they just got better.

In highschool often during intra-squad practices they were often called on fouls as they each began to "accidentally" foul each other in JUST the RIGHT places. But when either of them really got hurt, the other was always there to help the fallen one up. Or to rub Icy-Hot or Ben Gay on the sore and bruised spots the next day.

Some day they weren't even sore..Some times it was just an excuse to touch each other's body.

They became inseparable on and off the field and EVERYONE knew it.

They became each other's first loves, well at least first lusts. And then one night, under the moonlight, each other's first lovers.

They were each other's knight in shining armour. Defending each other in battle. And from the worlds outside forces that wanted to keep them from winning at life.

That seemed like a lifetime ago...

Chapter 8

And Barb was still trying to do that now. She had jumped into her little red car and zoomed over to G's apartment. She KNEW that if Mikes had called "Dr. Ray" Ol' Toothy Toro would smile and insist on a hospital stay. Barb was SURE of it.

She had made it to G's complex and slammed the car into the first available space. She reached for the hang tag, with a little universal sign of someone in a wheel chair, she kept for when she and Gerard went out somewhere in her glove compartment.
"I've' never been SO happy to see you." she muttered to it as she hung it from the rear view mirror.

She jumped out and ran up to the unit. Reaching inside her top for the extra key she wore around her neck, in-case G had locked himself out of his apartment again. The tumor in his brain fuckin' up his short term memory.

"Mikes?" she called as she got to the door, wrestling with the key. She heard him call from behind the closed door. "We're in here Barb! The medics are on their way.." She ran in and gasped. Gerard had not looked this bad for a while.

She knelt down and cradled him in her arms. She smelled like summer to him. Sweaty and warm, of nights under the moonlight and honeysuckle and lavender.
"Hey...show off. Just cause you have glamorous brain tumor, doesn't mean you get to get THIS much attention..Some of us have lives ya know.."

Gerard had mostly calmed down, the seizure having burnt it self out. He was covered in sweat and was now becoming chilled to the bone. His hair was plastered to his face as he looked up at her, shivering. Mikes grabbed a blanket off the back of one of the chairs and brought it over. They wrapped him in it trying to keep him as comfortable as possible.

"Bb- Barb? Don- Don't let them take me in today?..Not now..I don't wanna lose my- myself in there again.." he inhaled her scent trying to remember happier times. "Not now when I finally have a reason to fight again."

"I won't let em Angel Eyes..I'll keep them from strapping you to the damned steel pony for as long as I can...But you know Toro..I may not be able to stop him..not again.."

And sure enough that's what TORO wanted to do..

Barb had ridden to the hospital holding Gerard's hand in the ambo as Mikes drove behind. Daisy pulled out her cell and called the other nurse were she worked.
"Hi..it's Daisy, yeah...I need, look I KNOW it's against the rules..But I need a patient's phone number..Yeah remember those two I was telling you about..he's seizing, and I think the girl would wanna know.." she scribble some numbers on a piece of paper. "..Got it! Thanks!"

She quickly started re-dialing the phone, and explained to the female voice that had answered what was going on. Suddenly Daisy heard a thump and she realised someone had dropped the phone.
"hello...? Hello??!" Daisy heard another voice and what was going on in the room.
"OH MY! Bynnie?.."
"Mom! It's Gerard! They're rushing him in!"
"They're what?" quickly followed by a clicking of boots as if some one was almost running in them.
"I think they're on their way to the ward!! Will you take me PLEASE?"

Byn had been not having an easy day anyway. All she had been thinking of though was she would get to see HIM tomorrow, now what if..What IF!?...
'oh God she thought PLEASE..Help me here.'

Then Daisy heard a door slam. She hung up her end of the line. They were on their way to the ward.

She was hoping they were anyway.

Daisy looked at Mikes. She was trying to tease him a bit, trying to help him not worry as much, smiling as she said
"It's done but you owe me BIG TIME.."Mikes too was trying to make light of the situation.
"Ooh don't worry your pretty little head none..I intend to THROUGHLY and Properly repay your kindness..Once we know what's happening with My Bro." Daisy's smile faded..
"I know...I hope everything turns out all right.."


Mikes reached over and took her hand in his and kissed it before saying what he thought.
"Wull if stubbornness wins this fight..Then between him and Barb..They should have enough to like, CURE world-wide, diseases in a hint, of a blink, of an eye."

Daisy smiled a sad smile as she watched to ambo pull into the ER slot..It wouldn't be every long now..

Barb got out of the ambo first sniffling as they rolled him into the hospital for an "evaluation". Barb knew WAY better than that. This was hardly JUST an evaluation. Toothy was already there paper work in hand.

And so it was to that scene, a small female, with most of her hair under a hat, screaming at a three men in a hall. The "Dr." and blond kind burly bouncer type nurse, who he was standing with, and the male nurse from the Dr.'s office. She looked as though she was gonna pull out chunk of that fuzzy hair. She had some "choice" words for them. "Especially Dr. Teeth" that's when Byn arrived.

The nurse that seemed to have taken a shine to Byn's mom was trying to explain to a young woman was to calm down and be patient..
"Every good thing takes time."
"I am sorry. But I am his doctor and I will make the final decision."

The girl let out a small frustrated groan and looked at the kind one, as was trying to calm her.
"He needs to rest, and he needs to know he's not alone.." She pushed past the Dr. and the Burly one, and went into where Gerard lay.
"He may need to stay this time." The doctor said after her.

Barb didn't want to hear that..but then again, neither did Byn.

Byn wanted to hear NOTHING of that! She just wanted to know he was okay, and WHY that ...chica got to see him? And she couldn't?

Byn realised she was jealous!

Nurse Az walked over to them having made eye contact with Lillith the moment she entered the hall. He had wanted to go to her right away, but he knew too, that he also had to help calm the poor girl down.

It was obvious that Barb loved Gerard.

Az didn't know what would happen to Barb if Gerard didn't respond to treatment again this time.

He sighed as he saw how upset Byn already was. "He's had another seizure is all I can tell you. I'm sorry you're not family. I shouldn't even have told you this much. Come to think of it, Why are you here?" He looked at Lillith, "Although I can't say I'm not happy you are."

"I called them." Mikey answered as he came quickly down the hall. "How is he?" Az stopped and looked at Byn and Lillith. "You may as well talk in front of them, I'm just gonna tell her when you walk away. 'Rard'd want her to know. Wouldn't want her to worry."

Az thought for a min and then nodded. He sighed and then spoke, "He's stable. But the seizure's ..they will probably," he held up his hand as Mikes seemed to want to interrupt. " Key word, probably increase in frequency and perhaps severity. He WILL need another hospital stay..If he intends to get through this..he'll HAVE to come in, and as I see it, better sooner than later. MORE of a chance for him to beat this..The longer he resists treatment, the worse his chances get."

A.A. pursed his lips grimly. He looked more like Gerard when he did that. Mikes still thought it weird how much that nurse looked like his brother. Except for being older than 'Rardy, and the blond hair, they could almost be twins. Mikes STILL wasn't sure they weren't all somehow related.
But THAT nurse was ALWAYS great to G and their family. Mikes respected him for that.

"He needs to be convinced Michael. It's his best chance." Mikes nodded.
"I'll talk to him...you know she means well." He said as he indicated where Barb had disappeared.
"I know she's just trying to protect him. But right now, she needs to let us do our jobs. WE wanna see him happy and healthy again too."
"I'll talk to the BOTH of them..thanks." Mikes turned to Byn. "You wanna come with-"

"I'm sorry Michael..She can't. He can only handle so much at a time..And you know Barb's seen him like this already. You know she's prepared, and how much he leans on her..If he's stronger in the morning, he can have NON Family visitors in the morning."

Mikes turned to Byn. "Sorry. But I'll tell you were here. I'll call if anything changes."

Az looked at Lillith. "Take your daughter home..She needs to keep up her strength." He looked at Byn. "He'd want you to take care of yourself too."

Lillith smiled gratefully at him, and turned to go, her arm around he distraught daughter.
"Mrs. Rhoades?" she turned back to face him.
"Lillith, or Lilly please."
"Lillith, could we perhaps have a coffee tomorrow? Byn's next appointment IS tomorrow right?"
"Oh..I AM sorry. I would have LOVED too. But..I have a meeting at my attorney's tomorrow. I am signing the final papers. I can't WAIT to have it over and done with...Who knows I may need a drink after wards."
"Then Maybe that?" he swallowed hard. "I'll love to cheer you up after such a trying day. Depending on how Byn is doing after her treatment of course."
"Oh I was thinking more along the lines of a celebratory drink. But I WOULD love that. Call me tomorrow. Bynnie will give you my cell or you can look in her records..." She whispered conspiratorially, "I give you my permission." her eyes twinkling.

Those eyes made Az's breath catch in his throat. "Right..Tomorrow." He looked back at Byn."I swear if any thing serious happens, I will find you a way into see him. I promise." And he turned and headed back toward his patient.

Chapter 9
-----------
“I don’t know why you think you have a right to be mad at me Bert! I should be mad!”
Robyn was on her way home from the hospital, her appointment went well, or as well as could be expected with her ‘condition’. Right now though a very angry boy was taking her home, not just any boy…her boyfriend Frank. He had been the one to take her to her appointment today since her mother was unable to. When she came downstairs to see Frank waiting for her she was a little less than pleased. She had turned to her mother, who was in a bit of a rush that morning with a shocked expression. Her mother seemed to have missed it though as she rushed through the house, giving Robyn a peck on the cheek as she ran out the door.
When her mother was gone Robyn looked at Frank, who was eyeing her over with a slightly lusty air. She had dressed up for Gerard, forgetting that her mother wasn’t going to be taking her that day. Now that Frank was here though, how was she going to see Gerard? It wasn’t like she had told Frank about him or he about Frank…and she wasn’t really ready to.
It wasn’t that she didn’t like Frank, they had been close ever since school. She had moved into the school half way through the year and the two of them were outcasts together, since Frank had started late too because of his chronic bronchitis. Frank had been good at sports growing up and outgoing, where as Robyn had been more bookish and quiet. She helped Frank a lot with schoolwork, so they were inseparable. They were only friends at first, but everyone seemed to know that they would be more than friends before long. The two of them tried not to ruin their friendship just because everyone kept thinking they were already an ‘item’. So it wasn’t until he went with her and her mother to the hospital where they learned that she had cancer that they slowly became a couple. He would take her to movies in the beginning, before she got too sick to be out much. And even now he came over constantly. And in a way…she loved him a lot. But…sometimes when he looked at her with his lusty eyes it makes her mad. Gerard wouldn’t do that…Gerard would look shocked maybe…or like he was lucky…

Frank drove her to the hospital, and held her hand as they walked into the waiting room where Robyn had first met Gerard. She hoped that he would still be in his room so she could maybe think of some way to get rid of Frank, but no luck. At first she didn’t see Gerard, but then she recognize him as the sunken shadow by the window. He was dressed in a bathrobe and a hospital gown, he looked really sick, but she’d want him to know she thought that. When he heard her walking he turned over toward her…like he had been waiting…but when he saw Frank he stopped dead. The smile, which had been bright when he had seen Robyn, faded into obscurity.
“H-hi Gerard…I…”
“Who’s this Bert?” Frank asked, interrupting her before she could even get started.
“Oh…um…this is G-Gerard. He’s, um…my very good friend here. You know…I think you’ve heard me talk to mama about him…”
Gerard’s face dropped when he heard the way she was talking. She wanted to help him, but the only thing she was doing was hurting him worse.
Frank smiled at Gerard, holding his hand out as if he wanted to be his friend. Gerard took it, giving it a small shake as Frank proudly said, “Well Gerard, I am Frank. Bert’s boyfriend.”
Robyn couldn’t look him in the eyes after Frank had said that, but she could still feel the self-loathing seeping off of him. She wanted to say something, anything, but nothing seemed good enough. Suddenly Gerard made a violent movement with his chair, making to leave the waiting room. Robyn tried to call to him, but her voice failed her.
“Guess I’ll see you Robyn.” He said hotly as he rolled away, but then he stopped, turning his chair toward Robyn again, though not coming closer to her.
“Actually…I hope you get better. I mean…I want you to get outta here Byn and not have to suffer. You look better today…I think so at least.”
He then rolled away from her and toward what she could only imagine was his room. After the treatment she had Frank, who she had not spoken to since Gerard left, take her home. The whole trip they were silent except for Frank’s occasional outbursts. Frank’s face had grown red with his anger, but that was nothing compared to Robyn. She was so mad that she was white.
When Frank pulled into her driveway she turned to get out of the car in a hurry, Frank grabbed her wrist though.
“Where are you going Bert? I wanna talk to you!”
“Frank! You said plenty today, okay? I don’t want to hear it!”
Frank sighed, running his hands through his hair as he thought.
“Look Bert, I am sorry I hurt his feelings but…you are my girl…right?”
Robyn was so mad she nearly told him then and there that she was not ‘his girl’, but she didn’t. She just pulled away from him and said nothing.
“Look Bert, lets go inside the house and talk okay? Your mom isn’t home, maybe we could watch a movie or something.”
Robyn had an idea what that ‘or something’ was. She and Frank had tried to ‘or something’ once before, in the back of Frank’s car. It was about a month or two before. He had taken her to a small concert and on the drive back had stopped at the local teen dive, which was as cliché as they come. They had both moved to the backseat, like they had before when they had fooled around, not doing much, only this time it was different. Frank had held her close, whispering all the right things in her ear.
“Come on Bert. I have waited so long, just for you. Can’t we…just this once?”
“F-frank,” she said softly as his lips grazed her neck in just the right spot, “I…I dunno.”
Frank allowed his hand to travel from around her shoulder and move itself underneath the rock tee she had been wearing where it found the hooks to her bra and deftly unfastened them.
“Please Bert…it will be fine. I got protection and everything. I swear I wouldn’t do anything to get you hurt.”
Robyn had looked into his honest face, she knew he loved her and everything and that he would, if anything did happen, be good to her and take care of her. Slowly she had nodded her head as her shaking fingers moved toward the zipper of his hooded sweater and moved it slowly down. He had slowly worked the shirt over her head, holding her close to him as if to keep her body warm with his. She allowed her hand to trail down his body toward the zipper on his pants while he hiked up her already short skirt. She felt his fingers brush against what no one, save perhaps her mother when she was very VERY young, had ever touched. A whimper passed her lips, and he quickly kissed her again to quiet her fear.
“I promise…we will so really slow Bert. I…I am nervous too.”
Robyn had nodded, finishing unzipping his pants. He pulled them and his underwear off, grabbing a condom and putting it on clumsily. Robyn had pulled him closer, wanting it nearly as much as he did. She relished his body on her’s and the feel of his heart beating against her’s. His hands moved toward her chest, touching and teasing them like he had heard some of his buddies had done with their girls. He had heard how it got the girls ‘ready’ and Frank wanted Robyn to want him like he wanted her.
And there they were, two virgins (“hand in hand in hand in hand in glove…”) so close to one another…so close to becoming one, like all the movies and books and songs has said, but at the last moment she just couldn’t. When they got close to it, her nerves got the better of her and she told him no and sat up in a hurry, pushing him away.
“Bert,” Frank panted, “wh-what happened?”
“I…I can’t Frank…please…just take me home.”
Most boys might have made her walk…others would have been mad, but Frank loved Robyn and didn’t want her sad or hurting. So he would wait. She knew he wanted to wait for her, so they could be each others first ones since they had both waited this long…but she didn’t know if she would ever be ready for that…especially now.
“Not tonight Frank, I am to tired,” she lied leaning in to kiss his cheek. “I think I will just head to bed. G’night Frankle.”
Frank wrinkled his nose at the childhood name that she only used now when angry. She stood out of the car and walked quickly into the house. She wanted to forgive him, but remembering the pain in Gerard’s eyes kept her from doing that.
Inside she found a note from her mother telling her that everything had gone well, but that Nurse Az and she had stepped out. She was glad her mother was getting out more. This way if she didn’t make it her mother would at least have someone to be around. Robyn walked into the kitchen and poured her some ginger ale to help her stomach as she headed into the living room. But as she walked down the small steps that led into the pit/sitting area of the room she felt the world tilt under her feet. Suddenly she felt her glass slip from her fingers as her muscles gave out and the ground came up to meet with her head.





Patient: Roberta Appolinia Rhoades
Age- 20
Height- 5’ 5”
Sex- Female
Date- 01-15

The patient was brought in last night in an ambulance. This was after her mother discovered her uncontious on their living room floor. When she arrived the patient was already awake and responsive, answering all the nurses’ questions. She stated that she had walked toward the couch and had felt ‘the world tilt slightly’ and that was all she remembered until she woke up in the ambulance. When talking to the EMTs they stated that she came out of the unconitious state without medical help and that her pulse never stopped.

When I consulted her parents about what was best for her, her father demanded she be taken home, but after talking with him and his wife I allowed them to discuss the matter. Nearly half an hour later they had decided to let her stay in the hospital. The patient was placed in a room in the east wing of the hospital. On the whole I believe we could still save her. I wish I could say that for all of them.

Signed,
RTO




- Journal page -

They brought Robyn in today. I was afraid when I heard the scream of the siren that it was her. When I saw a nurse I recognized run by my door I yelled for her to stop. She looked impatient, but I didn’t care. I asked who it was, but she wouldn’t tell me. I don’t know if she knew or not but she wouldn’t tell me a thing and I couldn’t get up from my bed to see who it was for myself. I hate being so weak…
I found out later that afternoon that it was Robyn, not that anyone told me…I just heard her parents arguing in the next room. I could hardly believe it when I heard her father say that if she was gonna die he’d rather her do it at home instead of wasting his money. Is she that far gone? She didn’t look like that yesterday…she looked okay then. I could just kick myself for leaving her like that yesterday. What was I thinking anyway? That she and I would get married and everything? That’s not really realistic…I mean…I am probably not gonna make it this time and her…but I don’t want to think about it. I just have to find out if she is okay…maybe if I get a little stronger they will let me visit her so I can see for myself how she is.
I just hope she is okay…

GAW


Patient: Gerard
Age- 21
Height- 5’ 9”
Sex- Male
Date- 01-17

The patient seems to be getting a little stronger. Every few hours he asks to see one of the other patients. One of my nurses said he had been doing that for going on three days now, so I decided to allow him to speak with her while his strength was up. I saw immediate improvement in the other patient’s attitude when she saw the patient. He too seemed a little stronger, even strong enough to sit on the bed with her (with assistance from his cane and a nurse of course). All in all these are very promising results. I will have to discuss this with the parents of both patients.

Signed,
RTO



- Diary Pages -

I saw him today, Gerard came to my room. I had not dared ask for him for fear that they would say that he either didn’t want to see me or was already gone. Either one would have killed me. He sat next to me on the bed with the help of a young nurse. After the doctor left Gerard took my hand in his. His were freezing, but I doubted mine were better. He looked thin and sick, but just a little stronger. I was so glad to see him I had wanted to cry. I said that softly to him as the nurse took a seat outside the door and he blushed,
“I was so scared when no one would tell me if you were alright…I just knew something bad had happened.”
I told him about fainting in my living room, I told him it was no big deal, but we both knew it was a lie. He told me that I looked like I was feeling better…but that was a lie too. Still, I didn’t mind. All I wanted was him here, safe and alive. Still, now when I am laying here in the bed we both sat on until the nurse told us that our time was up (like we were criminals…maybe we are…we are stealing a little more time everyday…) I can’t help but think…maybe…maybe I would want more than to be his friend…maybe if Frank wasn’t in the picture I would have gotten a kiss instead of just him holding my hand. And now, even with him only a few rooms away…I miss him.
R
--------
SEXY NESS!!!

Chapter 10

Lillith looked at herself in the rearview mirror one last time and touched up her makeup. It had been three days since her daughters collapse and everyday she had gone to see her.

'Course HE always seems to be there as well..' She fluffed her hair and checked her lipgloss one final time.

She wanted to look good. If Byn saw her looking less than herself, she would think Lillith was overly worried about her daughter..And that would undercut Byn's belief she was going to recover.

Plus He would probably be there, he almost always was.

Lillith couldn't imagine what she would have done that evening when she had found Byn if HE had not been there..

He wasn't ACTUALLY there even.

They had gone out for drinks and that turned into quiet little dinner for two..And after that some dancing, GROWN up dancing, at a little supper club. Lillith felt like a million dollars. She had not had so handsome a man ever pay attention to her as Azrael Angel had. He seemed quite interested in EVERY word she had to say..And rather than talk constantly about his accomplishments he was happier to just allow her to talk.

But he didn't JUST let her talk..He LISTENED..He asked questions. He was INTERESTED in what she had to say and how she felt about things.

That had not been the case with her for a LONG, LONG time if ever.

Especailly not with Byn's father. John had stopped caring about her opinions after he started caring about all his friends MUCH younger wives opinions...

It wasn't long before their opinions and their fawning mattered more to him than his own wife and child.

His soon to be New wife was barely older than Byn.

And while Lillith was old enough to have Byn, she still was whistled at on the street, and was called Baby, and Honey by men.

That, rather then offending her, made her day.

She still had LOTS of life and Love left in her..

And even though she had JUST signed the divorse papers, she and John had been over a for a VERY long time.

Lillith had had a VERY attractive man with her, and attentive to her ALL evening. She felt like she was floating on a cloud as he walked her, from the little neighborhood night spot they had finished their evening in, to her door.

She was even going to invite him in for a night cap...At least, for that.

"OH A.A. I have had a WONDERFUL evening!" She saaid her eyes twinkling.
"I have too Lillith..I have not had such an evening, one this enjoyable, it feels like in,,Ages. I hope you will allow me to call you..again. I..I am...DRAWN to you."

Azrael held his breath. Every word of what he said had been true. He had waited lifetimes to see her again.

Maybe this time she'd remember.

Maybe this time she'd fall inlove with him too.

Azrael could only pray it was HIS will.
If Heaven did not will it... It would NOT happen.
IF on the hother hand Heaven DID will it, NOTHING would stop it either. NOTHING and no one would keep them apart.

Not Byn's cancer. Not her-ex John. Not even Lillith herself.

Azrael PRAYED she'd rememeber how much he loved her THIS time.

"Would you like to come in for a drink? Perhaps watch a little TV? Or we could break out a deck of cards or a game or ..something."

His eyes searched her face. How much he just wanted to scream,
'I LOVE YOU!! In HEAVENS name Remember that! Please!! I have loved you Nearly forever, and in SO many lifetimes..
But you never notice me until it is too late..
Maybe, just MAYBE this time would be different.'

He instead made an excuse.
"I'm...sorry I can't. I WANT TOO REALLY, But I am on early duty tomorrow at the hospital..And I am worried about Byn's friend..he's VERY depressed..Perhaps you could bring Byn up after her treatment..I KNOW it would help the the boy's spirits immencely..A ray of sunshine and hope in his struggles..something for him to hold on to..to believe in. HOPE for... "

Azrael boldly took a step closer to Lillith and brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers.
"A man can do AMAZIN' things for the woman he loves, or at the very least wants to impress."

Lillith looked up into his eyes, and whispered.
"And do you wanna impress me?"

He whispered back his lips very close to hers.
"Very much so...More than you know. More than I can express."

"Actions speak louder than words A.A...Show me." Lillith closed her eyes and waited for his kiss.

She wasn't disappointed.

His lips were warm and gentle. His hand brushed lightly along her jaw and around to the back of her neck.. His body leaned in just for a moment, just long enough to let Lillith know he wanted more than JUST a kiss. But then he pulled back..He would NOT pressure her into More ..He WANTED her to WANT to fall in love With him..and if she did He certainly didn't want that rushed.

Hee pulled back with a smile. "Good Night Lillith..I will dream of you.. and hope that I will be blessed with seeing you again.."

He turned and trotted down the steps Pleased with the dreamy smile she had favored him with..He turned at the end of the walk to look back at her and make sure she got in all right. She had barely opend the door when he FELT , even from this far away, her terror. He knew BEFORE Lillith screamed something was TERRIBLY wrong.

Lillith finally screamed his name.
"AZRAEL! Oh God PLEASE come help quick! It's-"
"Byn!" he muttered and practically flew up the stairs to her. He ran to Lillith and took her by the shoulders. "I'm here..I will help. Find a phone. Call 911. And say a prayer." He tore off his jacket and went to work on the girl laying on the floor.

Lillith thought once again, now three days later..She didn't know what she would have done without A.A. being there..and she realised..She didn't want to ever again find out..

Lillith had to face it..She was falling inlove with her daughters nurse.

Chapter 11

Lillith floated into her daughters room. She had brought her a new cartridge for her hand held game.
"I don't know what it is but the boys in the store said you would love it."
Some books, all romance novels with Blond hero's on the covers.
"I picked those out because they looked so interesting.."
"Blond's mom?" Byn gave her the "you've been caught" look.

Lillith shrugged, "i..I hadn't noticed.." Lillith could be a good liar..to every one BUT Byn.

"Mom..you're not telling me something..and I bet I know what it is..Your date with Az? IT went well?"

"Az? OH A.A.! Oh My goodness Byn..I cannot remember when I was as happy..I Think..I think this has the potential to get serious..But I..I have to concentrate on getting you well."

"Which is what we all want." He stood in the door way smiling his legs crossed at the ankles. Lillith couldn't be sure how long he had been standing there.

"Lillith it is SO good to See you again today..Like daffodils in spring after a long dreary winter. I take it you are well?"

"I am and even better now. Byn looks better much better than she did yesterday." She said trying to recover her composure.

He uncrossed his ankles and came further into the room.
"I take it you have not told your mother Byn? I am shocked. I thought that visit did you a world of good. Were you not happy to have him visit?"

"Him? Visit? What's going on Byn? What have you NOT told me spill it!"

"NO! NO! I LOVED it! He just seemed so tired when he left."

"Who did?"
"Gerard. The boy she met in Dr. Toro's office..I saw you all having lunch that one day..He has been asking for DAYS to see your daughter. Yesterday Dr. Toro allowed it..We saw marked improvement in BOTH their spirits..I think it's a promising strategy..I think..We should encourage the contact."

Azrael walked further into her room and stood by her bed.
"And yes he WAS tired..Tired. And happy, and hopeful. For the first time in a LONG while. But it DID were him out..which is why I think it may have to be YOUR turn to visit him..
That is IF you feel up to it?"

"REALLY? I can? Oh I would LOVE to do that! I feel plenty strong and I will go however you tell me too."

"Well... let's see if you can keep some lunch down..If you do..I THINK I could find you a chair and us take a stroll? Would you like that Byn? I KNOW he would."

"You think she is strong enough?"
"I do. And I think, some people just CAN'T be kept apart, some are just meant to be." he said looking directly into Lillith's eyes.

Suddenly there was a commotion in the hall outside.

Kids from all over the ward were buzzing around.
"You hear Az?" One stuck his head in as he hobbled past Byn's room towards the Common room. "She's Comin! She's on her way!"

"Who? Who is?"
Lillith looked puzzled as A.A. started to laugh..
"Barb..Barbie is on her way.."

Finally...I go.
_______
Robyn looked puzzled.
“Barbie? Who is that?”
Her and Lillith both looked over at Azrael for an answer, but he had already turned to leave. He turned back toward the question, an amused light in his eyes.
“Trouble,” he said with a chuckle and then left the Robyn and her mother, but not before sticking his head back in for a moment.
“I have to take care of this, but if you are finished with your lunch by the time I get back I will take you to Gerard, is that okay?”
Robyn nodded a smile on her face. She watched as his eyes flicked to her mother’s and a small smile touch the corners of his lips. As he left she turned back to her mother, seeing that her cheeks were a little flushed. Robyn grinned at her, and her blush became deeper.
“So…you gonna go with him somewhere?” She asked gently as her mother brought her tray of lunch over toward her. She sneered at her lunch, it was simple potato soup, but it looked very dangerous to her. She turned back to her mother, expecting an answer.
“Oh…well. I am here for you dear. I mean…”
Robyn smiled at her mother, shaking her head.
“Geezy mom…why don’t you like go get coffee for you two or something? Not some of the hospital stuff either, like the good stuff from Starbucks or something.”
Lillith looked embarrassed, “dear…I don’t want to leave you here.”
Robyn waved her hand, dismissing her mother, “please mom. Do this for yourself. Why don’t you go and get that coffee, and maybe me a Dr. Pepper, and by the time you get back I will be with Gerard and you can hang with that ‘nice nurse’.”
Lillith sighed, trying to think of an excuse to keep from taking such a chance.
“Come on mom,” Robyn said, taking a spoonful of soup and chasing it with a drink of water from her white paper cup, “I can tell. He totally digs ya, take a chance. What can it hurt?”
Lillith nodded, seeing that she couldn’t win now, and gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek before leaving. Once she was gone Robyn let out a quiet sigh and pushed her lunch away. Her stomach was cramping bad, she didn’t want to have her visit to Gerard put on hold because her body was to dumb to accept even the blandest food. She looked over at her cup of water, where her first and only bite of soup was floating sickly in the water. She picked it up and poured it into the soup bowl. She listened to the noise outside her door, it sounded like it would be a while before nurse Az was back, she would have time to dispose of her food. She slowly stood from the bed, knowing that a fall now would end her chances to see Gerard faster than her getting sick would, and walked with her bowl to her private bathroom. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she wasn’t that hungry anyway. Somehow when every time you eat you get violently ill it makes you not want to eat. She carefully poured the soup into the toilet and flushed it three times to make sure nothing was left. She then walked, just as carefully to her bed and placed her bowl where it belonged. She had left just enough soup so it wasn’t suspicious that she had eaten. Robyn then lay in her bed; feeling worn out all of a sudden.
A moment later there was a knock at her door and Frank walked through, a stack of music and gaming magazines in his arms. He smiled at her, waving a Dr. Pepper at her also. Robyn knew he felt really guilty for making her so mad a few days before. She knew he blamed himself, thinking that her anger toward him had caused it…and it could have, but she doubted it. She waved him toward the chair next to her bed and took the magazines and soda from him.
“How are you feeling kiddo?” Frank asked, pulling a Dr. Pepper of his own out of his jacket pocket. Robyn shrugged, thumbing through one of the music magazines trying to see if one of her favorite bands were being highlighted.
“Look…Bert…I…I really am sorry about the other day. Are you ok?”
Robyn looked at him from over the top of her magazine, seeing the sorrow on his face. She sighed.
“I am fine Frankie. It wasn’t your fault…I hadn’t bee feeling well all day. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“But I should have been there! If I was maybe you woulda not had to stay here!”
Robyn was about to argue with him that, if he had his way, she would have probably fainted in the middle of them ‘or something-ing’, but Azrael came in before she could. He took a quick look at her soup bowl and, when seeing it was mostly gone, gave her a small smile.
“Are you keeping it down,” he asked as he took it away and looked Frank over with an arched brow.
“Um…yeah. I mean, I feel okay. Can I see him now?”
Azrael frowned, “well, I have a few things to take care of but if you will wait just a second…”
“I…I’ll take her! Its to see that other guy or something, right?” Frank said from behind him.
Azrael turned toward him, he knew of this boy. He was the last one with Robyn before she fainted. Azrael was skeptical of him, but he seemed honestly sorry so Azrael wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“There’s an idea. Why don’t you go get a wheelchair and take her? I am sure Gerard would like another visitor.”
Frank stood from his chair, giving Robyn a peck on the cheek, and walked to look for a chair, leaving Azrael and Robyn alone.
Robyn looked him over, noticing for the first time how similar he and Gerard looked. It seemed that she and her mother had the same taste in men. Azrael noticed her stare and smiled a little nervously.
“So…what do you think of my mother?” Robyn asked, not wanted to pussy foot around it.
“Wh-what?” Azrael sputtered, looking shocked. Robyn smiled.
“I have seen the way you look at her Mr. Angel, and the way she looks at you. You like one another, you should go after her.”
Azrael blushed, “is…is it that obvious?”
Robyn nodded, her smile still wide. “I think the only one who doesn’t see it is my mother. You should take her to dinner or something. Help take her mind off…things.”
“Oh…well…”
Robyn laughed, “come on man. What do you think is gonna happen? I already told you she liked you, you are a shoe in. Just don’t hurt her.”
Her last sentence seemed like a threat, Azrael nervously laughed making Robyn frown.
“I mean it. My father hurt her…don’t you dare hurt her like he did. If you do…”
Azrael held up his hand to silence her, “I assure you…I will not do anything to hurt her. I care for her dear…I…”
Robyn didn’t get to hear what the other ‘I’ was because Frank entered in a flurry. The next few moments were taken up with Azrael and Frank helping her into the chair. As Frank wheeled her to the room not to far away Robyn looked back at Azrael over her shoulder.
“I mean it Az. Show her a good time. You could both use it. Oh…and enjoy the coffee!”
He nodded as he waved her and Frank away. Frank wheeled her down the hall silently, he seemed mad that she was visiting Gerard again. But honestly…Gerard could use a visit…anyone here could. As they neared the closed door she heard voices behind it. One was Gerard’s, sounding surprisingly strong for a guy too weak to visit her, and the other’s…the other voice was female. The voice giggled at what Gerard said, sounding infuriatingly flirtatious. As they neared she caught a bit of what Gerard said, his voice hushed.
“…I’d kiss your lips again.”
Robyn felt her cheeks burn red, anger filling her as Frank wheeled her in the door.

Chapter 13


"Barb's comin!" A voice Gerard didn't recognize yelled. "HEY! Did you here?" a boy not quite as old as himself popped his head in.
"Didya hear? Barb's commin!"
Gerard pushed himself up in his bed looking expectantly out his window.
A.A. the nurse walked into his room. He looked SO much like what Gerard thought he might, with a bottle of peroxide and few more years on him.
"If I live that long."
"Hey! Hey..none of that.." the older man smirked.
"You don't want Barb to hear you do you?"

Gerard shook his head slowly.
"Uh-UH! She'd..you KNOW what she'd do to me..She make me WANNA be in chemo..It'd hurt WAY less. She would make me get better JUST to make me wish I was dead!"

"Oh com'on..Barb's a sweet girl..to everyone BUT Dr. Toro."A.A. chuckled.
"Yeah well can ya blame her? Toro made her feel like a guinea pig." Gerard made the air quotes, "New! Experimental..Avant Garde Treatment! Just made her sicker..there were days she really did JUST wanna end it.."
A.A. came and tucked the blanket under Gerard's feet.
"Well she DID go into remission."

"Thanks..I just hope it sticks..I think if she'd hafta go through that again..she'd..she might just end it..she said last time, if she got sick again..she'd want something quick and painless..she even did research on cocktails of pills so she wouldn't screw it up..If she tries it..she'll do it."

"Well, she's what six months out? And still in remission..That's a good sign."

"No not quite..remember right after her birthday..we celebrated here..we even watched the fireworks together, we were still together..she said next summer we'd be some place fun to watch them..She still might."

"AND you still might..Barb's in remission-"

"You could be too if you'd keep your bony ass in bed!" Gerard broke into a grin at the sound of her voice.
She appeared in the door way a bag in her arm of what looked like junk food, and two handfuls of bags. She looked like she just came from the mall.
"And I brought goodies to help keep you body rested and your mind occupied. Hey Azzy!" she stopped and kissed him on the cheek.
"Good to see your after him to rest."

Azzy smiled at her"Good to see you too Barb..the red hair looks good on you from what I can see.. And actually, he took a short stroll yesterday..I think it did him a world of good. Wore him out a bit, but it lifted his spirits..I think maybe he's got some fight back in him?"

Despite the stern tone to her voice, both the men could see the twinkle in her eyes and and the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Really? What's her name?"

Azzy started to laugh as Gerard blushed.
"She REALLY does know you well doesn't she?"

"That's what happens when you grow up loving someone, ya just KNOW when they're happy..I SAW the look in your eyes when he said stroll...
Can't you pick a healthy girl?"

Gerard could see she wasn't angry or jealous..and that made him even happier.
He was hoping that his first love and what he hoped would become his new love would get along..maybe even be friends.
Barbie was very important to him still..he didn't wanna hafta lose her completely.
"Her name is Robyn." A.A. said to Barb. "She's just down the hall." he turned toward Gerard and said almost as a threat,
"I told her that if you BOTH ate well and kept things down, she could come and visit you today since you were so worn out from yesterday.."
Gerard knew it was a carrot to dangle in front of him, to make him co-operate with treatment and meals.
Gerard also knew he'd do just what they asked of him to see Byn again so soon.
A.A. SAW his patient's eyes brighten at the prospect. This treatment and his assignment just might work...
"Plus it gives her a change of scenery."

Barb looked at Gerard.."OHH! You mentioned her..the night of your seizure."
"I did?" Gerard wasn't too surprised..he often had black-outs during and right after one of his convulsions.

"Yeah you said you needed Byn..I had no idea what a Byn was..then you said..something like..Byn's a reason..I couldn't make it out..you weren't very co-herent..I just tried to keep you calm..the EMT's just told me to agree to anything to keep you calm and stable.. I so I did.."

"You kept saying..'Give Byn a chance Barbie..Give Byn a chance'.. I promised you a I would and I will."

"Well, I am gonna go and get his meal..and after I bring it back I will check on Byn..IF you both eat well and KEEP it down..I will bring her in here so Barb and she can meet. Barb you will make sure he eats right?"
"Even if I have to shove it down his throat!"
"You know with a bed side manner like that you should look into becoming a doctor.." Azzy winked at her and leeaned over to kiss her cheek. "Don't wear him out with presents okay? Leave some for later."

"Go get me his food NURSE!" Barbie teasingly ordered.
"Yes Mam!" A.A. saluted and turned, waving as he left.
"Back in a bit."

Barb followed him to the door and closed it behind him. She really didn't want him pushing himself too hard..and she wanted just a few minutes alone with him.

She was suddenly very jealous of a girl she didn't know. A girl who got to stay with him here.
Part of her wished she had the excuse to come back here and be with him again.
NO she wanted him out..Happy and healthy and Cancer free!

Gerard hadn't noticed how Barbie was looking at him, or that she had become so quiet..he was busy looking at the bags..
"What is all that stuff? Is it ALL for me? How did you carry it all?"
"Can ya shut up for a sec so I can tell ya?"
She climbed onto the bed with him handing him a bag of art supplies and a bag with electronics logo on it..It had a portable DVD player inside and bunch of movies.

In no time he had them dumped on the bed and was pouring through the titles. Not a minute later he had the art kit open touching all of the colors and textures inside it. His fingers gently fondling them.
Barbie had once again given him exactly what he had needed.

"That aint half of what I brought in..alot's already being passed around or set up..Wait till you see the new TV we got for the common room..and some new video games too, and a game system with a bunch of controllers...What's here is for you..Mostly. Or for you to give out."

He looked up finally from the colors to her face not far from where his was now. It wasn't that long ago that he would have thought nothing of kissing her, and that would lead to more..EVEN while they were sick..they had for sometime remained lovers.

Now they were still..intimate. But it was a different kind. IF he kissed her now it would be to thank her.
PROBABLY nothing else...

But with Barb laying there warm and close..He had to admit, he wasn't DEAD yet.

She wrapped an arm around the back of his head, bending it at the elbow to play with his hair.

"You didn't hafta bring so much Barbie..You KNOW I woulda been just as happy to see you if you came empty handed." He said softly, their lips ALMOST touching.. "but..I"M GLAD YA DID!!" He practically giggled.
His voice stronger that it had been for a while now she noticed. As he looked through the movies, her hand still toyed in his hair.
He laughed that goofy laugh she was worried she'd never hear again. It would be VERY easy for her to fall for him again.

"You look good, still Rardy.." He looked back into her face, she smelled so good, of so many happy memories, from before they each got sick. "I..I still haven't gotten my color back..But you..You look WAY stronger than you did the other night. And your eyes are still that hazel..."

He spoke back to her barely above a whisper. "And your's are still blue...you're rockin' the goth chic look Barbie..HiM hat and all." She put her head next to his and sorta just sat for a few moments.

Damn but she missed the comfort of having him close...she could even stand him not being her lover anymore.., although she DID miss that too. Just Knowing he cared, and saw beyond the cancer, meant alot to her.

And too she wanted someone, ANYONE to find her still attractive.

"You like? I don't think anybody else would..I still look half dead.." she smudged the lip gloss she had on onto the back of her hand and used a bit of the neckline of his hospital gown to get off the rest.."I mean look at them now really..ALL faded. Who would wanna kiss them?"

Gerard Knew he was fallin' for Byn, but she had not seem him at his worst. Barbie had..

Barbie had held his head when the chemo made him deathly ill.
Barbie had held his hand when they made him take the first round of treatment.
Barbie had crawled into bed with him in the ward and just laid next to him, when they were both too weak to do anything else.
Barbie told him she still loved him and wanted him..

Even though their bodies were weak their spirit's was STILL quite willing.

And Barbie was the reason he was still around at all.
SHE had found the lump on him. And it was SHE that wouldn't let him ignore it.
She, who though he was pissed at her at the time for telling them, TOLD his parents..Told them where and how she found it..and that it was NOT going away.
She probably saved his life.

Now she was sitting there mere inches away and feeling like she wasn't pretty..Gerard knew damn well she could easily find someone to take his place..But she hadn't.
Maybe she didn't want to..
A part of him didn't want that either.

He KNEW he was being selfish..but he wanted Barbie in his corner..Just incase Byn couldn't handle him REALLY being sick.

He looked at Barb's mouth so close to his. Her lips had always been so soft and inviting..Barbie loved to make out..something they had in common.
And too he knew part of him wanted to be the one that made Barbie feel pretty again.

“Oh Barbie honey…I’d kiss your lips again.”

He leaned in almost doing exactly that when he heard the door begin to open.

Frank was delighted to see Gerard had a girl in bed with him..even though she was on top of the covers and fully dressed..but still.

Besides it was obvious that they either had been or were just about to be kissing'.

'If her smudged make up, both on her lips and on his robe, gownie- thingy means anything' Frank thought, 'they've been at it for a while.. BYN will be ticked!'
"Hey! I brought you a visitor."