Re: You Must Confess

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:24 pm

the cat's meow= looking REALLY good
The Bishop of Rome = The Pope
Baloney= BS!
Chapter 27

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There was a slight knock at the door. They looked to the sound. There with her big round brown eyes, stood Violet's best friend, she was almost like a sister. "Becca!!" Gerard jumped up and practically ran to her.

He crushed her in a big bear hug with out thinking. He suddenly remember where and who he NOW was.
And more importantly the Vi was right there. He turned wondering what her reaction would be.

Becca grinned as she looked up at him. "Dang! Gerard, you look swell--" Then she noticed, the collar. Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh Geez! I'm sorry. Oh! Again!" She smacked her own head. "Forgive me father?"

Vi giggled at her friends embarassment. Gee smiled back at Vi, even though he wanted her to be a little jealous, he liked seeing her smile more. "Calm down Becca. 'Dang' is fine, I'm not a priest. Not yet. I'm still just Gerard. How have you been? You look like the cat's meow."

"Good. Still at the five and dime, but good. You hear Vi was here and came to see her?"

"Actually I'm kinda the reason she's here."
He said just the tiniest bit sheepishly.
"Frankie didn't-" She stopped short. Gee's head swiveled around to see Vi glaring at her friend.

His eyes narrowed as he turned back to Vi's and his old friend.
"What were you you gonna say Becca? And remember ..." He drew himself up to stand as imposingly as he could.
"I'm wearing The Collar. It's a sin to lie to The Collar."

"Uh - Vi?" Becca squeaked looking past Gerard to her friend. Violet interrupted,
"Frankie decided I needed new clothes to go home, right? Becca, that's clothes you're carrying right?"

"Huh? Oh, Yeah! I brought you clothes, they said your old ones got all bloodied. These New ones Frankie sent over are real spiffy."

Gerard's eyes narrowed even more. Now he was sure Vi needed to get away from Inks. Even if he couldn't go with her. Maybe he could talk to Mr. Schechter. He seemed to really like Vi.
Maybe even a little too much.

Even though Becca had brought clothes, he KNEW that wasn't what she had intended to say.

But Violet and Rebecca had always been thick as thieves. If Vi didn't want Becca to talk, she wouldn't.
"Clothes huh? You're not gonna rat her out, are ya Kiddo?"
Becca wouldn't look at him, but Gerard really didn't expect a answer.

"Mike's waiting down stairs to run you back to the church, then he'll get us and we'll get her Grandma. I'll stay with her, she'll be alright." Gerard sighed, once these two got together, trying to get answers out of either of them was like trying to knock down a brick wall with a feather.
Damn near impossible.

"Fine! You win. Can you tell Mikes I'll be right down?" Becca looked at Vi. She nodded once.

"Sure thing Gerard - see you in church!" Becca tiptoed and kissed him on his cheek. She had always had a soft spot for him. If he hadn't obviously been so sweet on Vi, and Vi on Gee, maybe she would have thrown her hat into the ring.

Becca looked at her friend, she still was obviously carring a torch for him.

She remembered how happy and in love they had been, now maybe Vi would come to her senses.

Becca left and Gerard turned back to Violet.

He pointed at her accussingly.
"You're lying to me Vi. I know you are. Frankie hurts you, doesn't he? Don't lie to me Vi. I couldn't stand it.., you never lied before."

Violet's eyes begged so prettily. "Can we just for one day not talk about it, just for today?" They nearly broke his resolve.

"Why the runaround Vi? What if today is the only day we can really talk?" He crossed his arms infront of himself showing her just HOW annoyed he was.

"Then... Later please, not now? Please let us not argue? Please..?" He couldn't resist doing what she wanted. Except for once, he never could.

"Fine." he threw up his hands in defeat. "But even after today, I don't care if I'm the Bishop of Rome, you tell me if you need me? Got it? I'll ALWAYS be YOUR Gee."

Vi nodded. "I got it. You better go, the Monsignor's old. He'll need your help to get everything ready for mass."

He nodded, frowning one way or the other he HAD to know the truth. And hopefully sooner rather than later. Before things got too out of hand.

"Aw Baloney you're just trying to get rid of me. But I'll go for now. Bye Violet." He leaned down and softly kissed her cheek. "I'll be thinking about ya.. When should I come? To you're house I mean?"

"OH! Right after mass is fine. I'm sure Buscia will wanna talk your ear off."

His face brightened, turning into a dazzling smile.
"Buscia P, YOUR cooking, AND getting to spend sometime with you Angel..Er I mean Violet.. I guess I best not call you Angel any more huh??" He had begun to frown again.

"For one more day..just today, and Just while we are alone..please..I mean why not?"

His smile returned.
"This is..well NOT the Best day ever, but best one in a LONG time!!" He leaned down once more and gently kissed her on her forhead. "I'll see ya soon."

And with that he left.

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:49 pm

Chapter 28

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Becca walked back into Vi's room. She was struggling to finish her last fasteners.

"Oh damn, help me! I can't be late!"

"You sound more like you're going outon a date than to church."

Vi frowned at her friend. She didn't like Becca knowing exactly why she wanted to get to church so fast. "Well Buscia will -"

"Be ready and waiting when you get there - Who do you think I got the clothes from? You know Frankie would have had you looking like a floozie. He'd never pick out something appropriate for church."

Vi knew that Becca was right. The little white blouse with the little grey and blue pleated skirt with matching light blue sweater was NEVER gonna be something Frankie woulda picked out. It made her look fresh. NOT cheap. But Gee would like it..It would remind him of the old days. The outfit was one of his favorites. And she hadn't worn it since he'd left. It brought out the color in her eyes and made her skin look even creamier than it already appeared.

"Yeah hun, He'll like it..I know you're thinking about him, you gotta little color in your cheeks..." Becca tried to stiffle a giggle as her friends face clouded, annoyed she'd been found out.

"And your grandma knows how important it is for you to be on time, especially today!"

"Buscia knows? Oh God what she must think of me!" Violet put her face in her hands. She KNEW she was in trouble!

"She said it was a blessing he's back!" Violet raised her head shocked.
"She did? She DOES!!??"

Rebecca nodded, she wanted her friends to be happy. "Everybody thinks SO Vi! Everybody but you and, of course, Inks. He's not gonna like it at all. NOT ONE TINY BIT! I bet he's gonna -" Vi HAD started to have hope..Until Becca reminded her about Inks...

"BECCA! I know what he's gonna... Which is why it's NOT a blessing. You know what I would do to be back in his arms? What I would give to be able to take back that night? What I did? How I hurt him? "

Vi started pacing. She wished Mikes would get back so they could leave. She looked hopelessly around the room as she spoke.
"If I hadn't... We'd be together NOW! Maybe I'd be back in here having his baby! Maybe we'd be far away. Maybe Mama and Papa'd still be here?"

She sat back down on the bed and tears started to roll silently down her face. She looked up at her friend.

"Instead all our lives are ruined and it's all my fault!"

Becca looked kindly at her friend, they had known each other for years. She had been at the funerals. Violet still looked as heart broken as they days they happened. She sat down next to her and put her arm around her.

"Vi honey,You can't blame yourself for the restaurant."

"No? Maybe not? But maybe we wouldn't have been there. Maybe at least I wouldn't have seen it and not been able to do anything!"

"Or you and Pretty Boy woulda been sitting where they were. You know Schechter was grooming him, he trusted him. He woulda had a bright future, you'd have everything with him that you have with Frankie - only better, cause he really loves you. You wouldn't just be a hood ornament."

Vi knew it was true..it could have just as easily been them. It coulda been her crying over him, instead her Papa over Mama. It could have been Her watching Him die. Violet put her head on her friends shoulder. She had to convince herself that she was doing the right thing in trying to respect his choice.

"No his future is bright because he's away from that life. That is the one good thing that came outta all this. At least he should have a long life."

"Yeah, a long miserable one WITHOUT YOU." Violet lifted her hear and turned to look at her friend.
"You really think he'd be miserable without me?" Becca didn't miss the hope in her voice.

Becca grabbed her friend by the shoulders.
"See I KNEW IT! YOU DO still carry a torch for him! And yes, I think he IS miserable. He didn't hear THE CALL VI! He doesn't have a real vocation! Heaven doesn't WANT him!! He's hiding, all he needs is just the tiniest bit of encouragement from you and he'd RUN, not walk, but RUN to your side!" Becca shook her friend just the slightest bit trying to knock some sence into her.

"AND He'd fling that collar away as he did! I'm telling ya, Vi..
HE LOVES YA!!"

Violet was confused. "But... Maybe if I really love him... Maybe I should just leave things the way they are. Okay, maybe he'd be miserable - but at least he'd be breathing. But Inks -"

Becca knew what she was gonna say and stopped her dead in her tracks.
"Pretty Boy can handle Frankie!
If that's all that's keeping you apart. You belong in the looney bin. I'd give anything to have a guy like him, looking at me the way he looks at you. Everybody in that parish is gonna take one look at him and know... His heart STILL belongs to you."

Zombierocker · Zombierocker on Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:56 pm

Aww....poor Vi and Gee.

Someone needs to beat Frankie up...and Becca needs a cute guy. Sidekicks always get stiffed in the hot guy area.

eyelinerislife · eyelinerislife on Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:58 pm

I'm tellin' ya, someone needs to throw Inks to the wolves...

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:01 am

Chapter 29

Violet was frowning as Mike's was driving to her grandmas, they had dropped Becca off at the parish. Violet wished her Buscia could just have been brought to church on her own.

This week, it was Becca's turn to get the rectory meals started so that when mass was over the Monsignor and his "guests" could eat. Vi kinda wished it was her week. Maybe she would get to see Gerard for a minute or two there.

She wanted to hurry up and get to church.

Vi wanted to be able to at least see him, WATCH HIM, as he got things ready on the altar. Maybe the lights would still be down and church would still be empty.

Maybe it would be no one but him and her and the candles and nobody to see them but the statues of the saints. Maybe he would take her in his arms and -
"Vi..? Doll? Did'ya hear me?"

'Why'd Mikey have to go a an ruin a prefectly good.. Oh No!! Now I gotta go to confession again!' she thought, as her face drained of it's color.

Mikey looked back at her in the mirror.
"You okay Doll?" Mikey asked, really concerned. And not just because she was Ink's Doll..well she was at the moment anyway. Vi nodded, she'd been caught.

"So what do you think?" he said as he glance at her in the rearview mirror.

"That depends on who's asking. Are you asking as Frankie's friend or Gee's brother or Schechter's spy?" She leaned forward a bit and asked in a hushed voice as if Inks' could hear her.

He spoke as he drove, not looking at his brother's old flame.
"Well that kind of depends on your answer. If you say you don't care and really mean it, I'm Frankie's friend. If you say you don't know what to think, I'm Schechter's stoolie."

"And if I say something else?" She seemed to be holding her breath as she waited for his answer.

"Look I'm still steamed at my brother for just scrammin' the way he did. But I kinda understand. But he's still my brother and blood is thicker than water - Even giggle water."

Mikes was a bit uncomfortable talking to Vi like this but, he may not get a chance again. Despite being angry with him, he still loved his brother and he wanted him to be happy. He thought to himself 'I kinda want him home. I miss my brother.'
He was only real family he had left.

He glanced over his shoulder at Vi.
"Look, IF it came down to him or Frank - Inks would have to find a new soldier. Vi, you and I both know he don't belong in that collar. He didn't hear The Call. Sooner or later he'll realize that. Better now than later. WAY better for him especially."

"But INKS -" Mikes shook his head. "I KNOW what you're gunna say, But If Pretty Boy were to take off that collar, Schechter would welcome him back like that prodigal son in church."
"Yeah, well, remember the other brother got mad in that story." She said as she leaned back against the seat chewing on her lip.

Mikey kept watching her in the mirror. Ink's would have to be blind to not see which way the wind was blown'.
He was losing Vi fast. She was gonna drop him like a stone, if Gee even whispered the idea to her.

"Inks ain't dumb. He wouldn't make a move against Pretty Boy he'd either hafta move very slowly and carefully or wait until Schechter was out of the picture, and Schechter ain't goin' nowheres."

"But don't you think he'd want to make a move to get me back, or worse hurt him so I'd wanna come back, just to keep Gee safe."

Mikey nodded. "But, Inks'd swallow it and sit and wait though. Pretty Boy'd haveta be careful. He'd need someone to watch his back."

"Maybe that's why God gave him a brother." Violet said in a whispy, hopeful voice. Almost like she was daydreaming.

Mikes shrugged. "Maybe... And Maybe YOU are why God brought him back here."
Mikey's eyes bore into hers, he was trying to get his point across.
"Now before he makes the biggest mistake he'll ever make."

Mikey pulled over, then reached over and opened the front side door. He and waived her around to get in. She quickly moved to the front.

"Listen Doll... I was sweet on you. But then I saw how you looked at him and he looked at you...." Mikes shook his head no just the tiniest bit.

"And I KNEW I had no chance..Besides I knew what love looked like, all I had to do was see you two anywhere near each other."

"I saw how happy you two made each other. I couldn't even think of TRYING to screw that up.."

Mikey seemed to be chosing his words carefully.

"That, That kinda love, that feeling, that's worth risking anything and everything." He glanced over her again, he pulled over for just a minuet to relly be able to look at her. He wanted to, for his brother's sake, make her understand.

"My brother's a FOOL if he doesn't walk away, and come runnin' to you. And you're no dummy either. If you got one more chance, you take it. Better a good short life - than a long miserable one.
Frankie or no, I'll watch his back."

Violet leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you Mikes...I'll- I'll think about what you said." Her voice shook as she sat there fidgeting all the rest of the way to Buscia's.

eyelinerislife · eyelinerislife on Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:56 pm

Fleur, you had me up 'til 5:00 in the mornin' reading this on the Rmy, I believe I got up to half-way through page 19 before I had to stop.

Seriously, I am addicted. *Goes back to read*

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:36 am

Chapter 30
About midway there, they went past Mr.Schechter's house. He was in his car with Ray driving him. Mikes saw the Boss waive them over. The younger Way pulled up along side the rode as the cars stopped side by side though facing in opposite directions.

"Morning Violet! Mikes!" "Good Morning Mr. Schechter." They both answered. "Are you feeling well Violet? You look much better than you did last night. You got a pinch of color to your cheeks."
"Yes Sir. I am Sir. Just a bit tired..and a bit addlebrained."

"Nonsence. You had abit of a shock yesterday, it'd throw any one for a loop. Seeing someone they had loved and never thought they'd see again standing before them. Almost like seeing someone come back from the dead..."

Mr.Schechter's face clouded. In his line of work, and leading his life, he had lost a lot of people. He'd been to too many damn funerals.

"Kinda like seeing a ghost. I never thought I'd see him again. Never get a chance to apoligise..And with me hitting my head yesterday..I didn't last night either. My brains must've REALLY got knocked loose. Maybe it's the collar but..I kinda feel like I kinda gotta confess it to him..I KNOW I need his forgiveness."

"I'm sure he'll give it to you dear. Why don't you go ask now?"

"I gotta get Buscia..She needs a ride to church.. Frankie always sends a car."

Mr. Schechter raised his eyebrows at Ray and Mike. "Frank does, does he? Well, I will go and get your Buscia for you. I am on my way to mass anyway. You get out and go with Ray, and I will go with Mikes. We will bring her. And you can get to church faster."

He said as he got out and opened the door for the young pretty girl.
"After you speak with him, I am sure Becca could use your help in the rectory, the Monsignor is having guests today for brunch." He bowed slightly. "Yours truly included. She could probably use the extra hands."

Violet could hardly contain her excitement.
"You Really wouldn't mind Mr. S?"

"Violet, dear what am I gonna do with you? I was one of your godparents..Along with My wife and The Ways..God rest all their souls..You don't have to call me Mr. And of course I don't mind, Your Grandmother, she's a good lady, always been kind to me, despite what everybody else thinks of me. I'd be happy to help both of you out."

Violet couldn't help herself, she reached up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.
"THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! I 'm going RIGHT NOW!! And That Brunch! I will help out all I can!
You won't go away dissappointed!"

Schechter smiled broadley at her. "I'm sure I won't Violet..I'm sure I won't."
--------------------

A bit later at her Buscia's house.

Buscia was ready and waiting outside. Mikes got out and helped her into the car.

"Morning Mrs. P."
"Buscia or Grandma Michael, remember?"
"Yes ma'am, if you say so. But then only if you call me Mikey like you used to."

"Fine young man. Then Mikey, I take it you will be joining us today again? Your brother's home. And Violet and I will be making supper."

They got to the car and Brian got out. "Morning Mrs. P. Violet is on her way to help out at the rectory. We have some things to discuss you and I. "

"How are you Brian? Indeed we do. Would you like to join us for a meal this afternoon sir? Violet's spaghetti? Her mothers recipe."

"That is a tempting offer indeed." Brian was clearly considering it.

Mrs. P turned her attention back to the younger Way. "Mikey when was the last time you had a decent Home cooked Sunday afternoon meal?"

"It's been... It seems like a lifetime ago."
"Then today you start a new life." She thought of her grand-daughter as she sat down.
"Maybe we ALL do."

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:10 am

Chapter 31

Gerard did all the chores of getting everything ready. The altar boys glared at him. He kept taking their jobs, if it involved going out onto the altar. He didn't want to miss Vi coming in. Every time he went out, he'd look at the pews hoping to see her.

Finally one of the older boys said, "If you're looking for somebody, just go out and greet the parishoners already."

Gerard smacked his own head. "Why didn't I think of that? Thanks!" He took off out to the altar and walked quickly down the aisle. He'd have to be there anyway if he was going to process up the aisle as with the Monsignor as he had been asked to do.

He reached into the folds of his cassock under the white overlay piece that made him look more like an over grown altar boy than a priest. All altar/choir boy except for The Collar.

In his pocket a folded piece of lace, Violet's veil. The nuns had bleached it. It had not a hint that any blood had ever touched it.

If anything, it looked better than the day he had first given it to her.

He HAD hoped someday, she'd wear it as they exchanged vows.
As it stood now, she'd wear it as she would watch him take his.

The ones that were SUPPOSSED to keep them APART FOREVER.

He closed his eyes for just a second. In his mind's eye he pictured that kiss - The one they'd never share. The one that made her his wife.

His hands began to shake. He had to stop thinking these things. He needed to keep Vi safe.

Frankie wouldn't hurt her if Gerard wasn't in the picture.

Or would he?

What if..what if she dreamt about him?
What if she said GERARD in her sleep? What if INKS heard that?

What in the name of all that's holy would he do to her then?

Gerard started to feel the anger rise within him. He wanted to kill Frank for just what he might do.

How could he ever manage to be around Vi and not think this way?

Just the thought of her made him feel one of two ways.
Anger - at both Frankie and himself for ever leaving her.
Or Desire - both for her and for the life he wished they had.

Unbidden thoughts of her in his arms and in his bed, them making love came flooding over him. He realized he needed confession.

But he didn't want to miss her. He needed to give her back her veil. He couldn't bear the thought of anything Frankie had bought for her touching her hair, covering her so intimately.

He opened his eyes and saw her climbing out of one of Mr. Schechters cars. Ray was holding the door open for her. As Violet stepped out, she lifted her eyes to the top of the steps of the church.

Gerard was standing there waiting...
She wondered 'Could he be waiting for me?'

'I'd gladly wait forever for you My Angel..just to see you smile.' he thought watching her.

A soft smile played about her lips and he felt every muscle in his body contract. He knew there was no one else around..,
THAT SMILE it was just for him.

She had on an old tattered light blue lace veil. He recognized it as the one she used to wear long ago, before he gave her the one now in his trembling hands. He knew she must have others. Nice finer lace ones that Frankie must have provided for her.

He let himself feel pride for just a moment. If she couldn't wear the one Gerard had given her, she'd rather wear an old torn one.

She climbed the top of the stairs, he could see a high necked white linen blouse peeking out from the top of her coat.

"Good Morning again Violet. It's good to see you, again." He shifted a bit uncomfortably, he didn't want to just exchange pleasantries, with her on the church steps. He wanted to be far away, alone with her somewhere.
Far away from all that was keeping them apart.

But as he looked at her, he noticed over her shoulder there was Ray. He was leaning on the car, hat on his head and cig hanging from his mouth. He looked like he had NO intention of coming any where near the church or him.

Gerard made a mental note to be careful around Ray, especailly in how he dealt with Violet.

"They're already choosing sides you know..." Violet whispered quietly, even though her back was to Ray she knew what Gerard's was looking at as he looked past her.
"I see that. He's watching you for Frank isn't he?" Gerard said and then smiled and raised his hand in a wave at Ray as if nothing were wrong. Ray just tipped his hat, but only slightly.

"They think a war is brewing, don't they? They think Pretty Boy is coming back."
"Yes, well that IS the question isn't it?" Violet started past Gerard walking up the steps to the door of church. Gerard didn't like her being so cold to him, even though he thought he knew why. She stepped in the door of the church.

"Is the monsignor in there? I need to go to confession and then I have to go help Becca at the rectory." She said as the door closed behind them. "Apparently the Monsignor is going to have some guests." Violet said as she took a quick look around. Gerard saw what she was doing.

"We're alone, except for a few altar boys but they're way up at the other end of church..In the sachristy behind the altar, probably goofin' off. Anything you wanna say to me, we should be safe."
"You're sure?"
"Yes Violet." Gerard took a step closer to her and took her hands in his, as he whispered to her,
"It's just us, Vi My Angel, Us ..and the candles, ..and the saints." His eyes searched he face for some sign to stop, and he found none. He bent over just the tiniest bit and leaned his face in towards hers.

The lips met in the peace and quiet of the still church.

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:19 am

Chapter 32

They each took a step closer. His hands went to her face pulling her closer to himself. Her hands closed over his as their kiss deepened.
They wanted so desperately to cling to one another. But both were afraid for the other.

If only they could be sure, if only Frankie wasn't a problem.

Gerard thought to himself,
'If only I could hear her say she loved me,
JUST ONCE..I'd tear this Collar Off! And we'd run!
Run as fast and as far away as we had too!'

Her coat had only been fastened by one button and now it fell open.
His hands left her jaw and with her hands still on his they started to slide down, along her throat to underneath her coat.

He heard a muffled whimper, and she pulled away.

"I can't! You can't tempt me this WAY. And I can't do
this to you! Frankie would KILL you..I'm his now..I just can't...Maybe even today..our plans..Maybe they weren't such a good idea after all..
Maybe we shouldn't even allow ourselves the afternoon."

"No Violet! No.. You can't take today away from me."
He panted as he felt her pulling further away from him.
He grabbed her by her upper arms.

"Please!! It's all I have left. In a few weeks, I take my finals..
I feel like I only gotta couple weeks to live.
Yesterday afternoon, when I got here, and I saw you..I felt alive again.
Seeing you made me feel like I came back from the dead..
Please Violet, please don't put me back in the cold hard ground again without just today! Without just a few short hours, to live again.
Please I'm pleading with you?"

He got down on his knees infront of her. His hands were on her waist.
"Violet I'm begging you please..
Don't punish me and leave Me like I left you..PLEASE!"
He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her,
as he had pushed aside the coat she wore.

Busica had picked out for her outfit, she knew Gerard had always like this combination. She wore her white high neck blouse, a gery blue sweather and a grey and blue plaid combination pleated skirt.

It had been one of Gee's favorites. And her Buscia KNEW it.

He burried his face in against her. Although there was the fabric
seperating them, he could feel the warmth of her body through the thin fabric. "Please Vi..Just ..today?"

Violet looked down into his eyes. He was so frightened of losing
those few precious hours. What harm could it do to spend the day
with him? It wasn't like they were gonna be alone.. Violet swallowed.

"Alright but they're some conditions."

"ANYTHING!" he said, allowing her to see
just how desperatley he wanted to be with her.
"Anything at all!"

"Then you promise to forgive me..For what I did that night..."
"OF COURSE!! Of course I do..
I WAS HURT Vi...Pretty bad, but it was my pride more than anything.
And it was just that once then..? I mean before I left..?"

She didn't answer his question.
"And you forgive me for what I will have to keep doing. Both your and My Buscia's life depend on me keeping Inks happy. Promise Me you WON'T hate me."

"OH! Vi My ONLY Angel..I couldn't EVER hate you..
I Couldn't before..I Can't now...I Can't help.. but love you..
I think about you all the time.."
He stood up and looked down into her eyes.
One of his hands cupped her cheek, carressing it as he gazed at her...
"I DREEEAM about you..I think things..
I know I shouldn't..But I can't help it.. Can't stop it.
I don't even wanna try.."

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:13 am

Chapter 33

Violet looked up into his hazel eyes. "Then," she said swallowing back the wealth of emotions building up inside of her. "Then just for today..I let myself, have a little hope. Just the tiniest bit..That maybe things will turn out alright..Maybe ..God sent you back here for a reason." She reached up and touched his cheek.

His eyes closed, memorizing the sensation.

"But...I need to find the Monsignor..I need confession..I..just do."

"It's okay Vi..I..I do too.. I need to be ready for communion too. I 'll find him for ya, Ang- Violet. I'll be fast."

Violet went further into the darkened church. She genuflected, next to a pew, and knelt down. Normally there wasn't any confession this close to mass. But she knew the Monsignor would probably make a exception for her. He was a kind older man., and he'd know, if Violet was asking it was really important.

Soon the Monsignor toddled in. She assumed that Gerard had found him and he came straight over. She guessed that maybe the older man had, had a job for Gee and that was why he wasn't with him..Or maybe he was just trying to give her a bit of privacy.

Violet was sure he was taking his time with the errand if there was one, just so she could have a bit of peace.

Violet watched as the old priest entered the confessional, he didn't turn the un-occupied sign over because there was no one inside. Violet got up, walked over to one of the two side doors on either side of the confessional and opened the door. She went in and knelt down.

---

Gerard was going out of his mind looking for the Monsignor. He checked the sachristy, the school, finally where he Probably should have checked first, the rectory. Nobody seemed to know where he was.

Finally he heard Becca's voice back in the large kitchen.
"He went over to church for a few minutes, said he had something to pray over. Try one of the confessionals. He likes to hide in them, says they're peaceful, and no one bothers him in there."

"Thanks Becca, if he comes back, tell him I'm looking for him."
"Will do..." Becca went back to her breakfast preparations.

Gerard ran out the back door of the rectory and down the steps to the court yard. He thought of all the time the had spent there, as kids this was their playground. It held a lotta good memories, and a few bad ones too. But that was life.

He ran to the side door of church and up the few steps. He opened the side door, first opened in the morning and last closed after mass. That was how it had always been.

He looked around, no Violet, she must've taken a different route to the rectory. He looked down to the confessional where the monsignor always sat. His door was closed which meant he was in there, but the unoccupied sign still hung. He decided he'd go first and then go find Vi over at the rectory with Becca helping cook and tell her where the monsignor was.

He slipped into the side door quiet as a ...church mouse.

That was when he realised a moment too late that someone ELSE was using the confessional.

The monsignor was old. "Child I am having a hard time hearing you speak up, a bit louder. No one is in church yet to hear any way."
"Yes Monsignor.. As I said, I have, committed a mortal sin. I have had thoughts of a nature I shouldn't have had. And he is almost a priest. He was, at one time all I lived for. The reason I woke up in the morning, the reason I breathed. I woulda died for him if he asked. But now he's gonna be a priest.., so That's gotta be a much WORSE sin right?"

Gee swallowed hard, it was Violet and she was talking about him.

"But...I Must Confess..I LOVE Him...I Still LOVE HIM."

AriannaMCRmy(OhMyChemical · AriannaMCRmy(OhMyChemical on Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:17 pm

Ahh Woo! Love this fic. =]

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:04 am

The old priest coughed seemingly out of nowhere. Apparently he was shocked at Violet's statement she assumed.

Gerard felt his head spin. She LOVED him! She had just said it. True enough NOT to him, but none-the-less it was true. She couldn't lie in confession. After all why would she?

"Child, having these thoughts is NOT a mortal sin. True enough you should not encourage them, but they are to be expected at your age. You are a a healthy young woman are you not?"

"I am. Monsignor."

"Child, I know it is not normal for a priest to aknowledge the penitent directly, but in this case may we make an exception?"

"Yes Monsignor, I know you know who I am."

"Violet child. You were in here just yesterday. You are in here every week, and I admire your tenacity. But you and I know that each week your confession is less than, perfect. You lack real pentitence. You have no intetesion of leaving Frank and none to stop..doing what he requires of you."

"You mean, being...available to him?"
Gerard's stomach turned at the thought of his Violet having to...

"Yes child that is exactly what I mean. You sell your body to him in exchange for your Grandmother's medicnes. I beleive God would not hold that against you. And I beieve if there was another way you could provide them, you would leave him would you not?"

Violet was softly crying. "Yes Father..I would..I don't love him I never have. I have only loved one man ever. And that is the problem father. The man I love is Gerard. I musn't let him know how I feel. I will endanger his life. I will ruin his only chance to be free."

"The ONLY way we could be together would be if he went to work for Mr. Schechter and NOT as his accountant. He would have to LIVE the life all the WAY. HE would have to be PRETTY BOY again. Even more so than before. HE would HAVE to be number two. And take Frank's Place. Inks wouldn't just step aside."

"True enough child..But how is you taking that choice from him freedom?
Tell me, and remember what you say in this confessional is confidental. Only the souls in this confessional and God, and occassionally one of my superiors will ever know. If we come across a delemia, that I cannot help you with, My spitiual advisor, my superior will help us both yes? You understand that child. In here you can say anything, and not fear recrimination."

"Yes Father I understand. You can't go tell Frankie or anybody what I say in here."

"Exactly child, so answer me this. The things you do with and for Frank, Do you feel..uncomfortable doing them? Is there a little voice inside of you telling you it's not right?"

"Yes father. But I have to I-"
"Wait child..Let me finish. And as you are with him do you NOT...Enjoy his touch?"

"I can't say that.." Gerard was had a feeling he didn't WANT to hear this. "Well that is..until yesterday.."

"Yes child, continue that train of thought."

"Until yesterday I was sorta happy..I mean no offence Father but he is pretty good at it."

NOW HE WAS REALLY SURE he didn't want to hear it.

"Good. But NOT, Not like Gerard He NEVER made me feel like GEE did."

Gerard couldn't help but puff up. They had been each other's first time. He wasn't even sure he was any good at it the first afternoon. Hell he hadn't even expected that first day.

Violet had surprised him. Set the whole thing up.

Violet hadn't quite seduced him, but she had offered herself to him.

They were so much in love and she apparently wanted him as much as he wanted her. She arranged for everything, even got Becca to alert them when her parents were coming back...

How could he have Ever said no? He woulda had to have been fool.

And he was no Fool.

For that glorius week they had been Happy, as far as Gee was concerned, deleriously so.

Now he wanted to hear more, he wanted to drink in her words, even though he couldn't see her face.

"So you have been intimate with him before?"

"Yes Monsignor does that shock you?"

"No what shocks me is that you to are not together. TELL me when you were with him..Did you feel the need to confess. Did that whispering voice bother you then? Did it feel wrong?"

"NO Monsignor..It felt like the most natural thing in the world. In his arms I felt safe. I was HAPPY, over the MOON...We had to keep it a secret because we weren't engaged..Papa probably woulda killed him..I mean look at what he did...but if he'd a asked I woulda said yes..In heartbeat I woulda.. I woulda LOVED to grow old with him."

Gerard couldn't believe what he was hearing. She wanted to be his wife as much as he wanted her to be. They should be married now. Not seperarted and him about to promise he would never touch her or think of her ever again. She shouldn't have to be SELLING herself to Frankie. Things were ALL wrong!

"Tell me child have you told him this? You believed you have committed a sin by thinking of him. I believe the sin would be allowing him to take those vows never knowing how you felt. That would be a crime. A sin against the blessing of love that I believe God has sent you. I believe you have a second chance. That INDEED is a miracle."

The old priest let her think about that for a moment before he continued.
"You must go to him and You Must Confess your love to him. Give him the choice."

Gerard nodded silently. If she told him, he could tell her just how much he loved her right back. Maybe he could run again only this time he would take her with him. They could run together.

"But what if he decides he wants to be with me?"

"Better now than after the vows. That indeed would be a grave sin, doubly so because you know now that you love him. AND I beleive he loves you."

"But Frank!!?"

"Tell me IF Brother Way were no more, IF he took off that collar and Became
PRETTY BOY again..Would you still love him? IF he came home with Blood on his hands.. in order to have a life with you? What would you do? Would you leave him?"

"NO Monsignor I would help clean him off, no matter how dirty he was. And I'd Love him all the more..But I don't wanna make him make that choice."

"Child if he loves you he may not have a choice to make."

"But if I don't tell 'em I love him, he'll be safe. If I lie to him and tell him I love Frank and that he should go..Frank will leave things be..Gee will be safe."

"Really? Hmmm...And you What about you? I take it Brother Way has no knowledge of..Franks-"

"Frankie's not that bad..He's good to me most-"

The old man finally lost his temper with her.
"VIOLET ANGELINA ! OH for the love of God! Don't you DARE make excuses for him and say he treats you well. IF he really did he would not.."

The monsignor managed to calm himself. "He would not abuse you as he does. Yes I know it has not been often, but, when he does..Violet I am frightened one day I will have Becca running to me for bring you The Last Rites. Even IF Brother Way doesn't decide to not take his vows..YOU NEED to get away from Iero..Otherwise I will be saying your funeral mass before I am TOO much older."

Violet was angry and embarressed this was not why she came into confess."SO what you're NOT going to absolve me for my thoughts and longings for a man that I LOVE but can never have AND you want me to leave me and grandma's meal ticket too?"

"NO Violet I won't absolve you for your feelings for Gerard, I cannot absolve you for a sin that doesnot exist."

The priest had almost bellowed. The old man tried to settle himself down again. "Tell Me, when you think of him, do you feel guilt?"

Gee REALLY wanted to hear this answer.

"Yes and no.." Violet was being REALLY honest. "Yes because I don't want him hurt and if INKS knew..."
Gee didn't like it but he understood it. He felt the same way about her.

"And No...because....I just don't feel like it's wrong.."

That sounded sweeter to Gerard, than if a whole heavenly choir had been signing. There was very little that would sound sweeter.

"I JUST LOVE HIM. I LOVE GEE.., SO MUCH."

Gee grinned and bit his bottom lip to keep from speaking, THAT was even sweeter.

"Then THERE is your answer child..I can't absolve you if you REALLY feel no guilt. Are you sure you are NOT JUST IGNORING IT?"

This too Gee hoped he knew the answer. He hoped she felt as he did.

"No Monsignor I you want honesty..I can SAY truthfully, NO I don't feel guilt."

"Then..No guilt, no sin."

Gerard realised a couple things, the thoughts started running through his head.
'Well First off, Violet had lied to me about Frankie. He IS hurting her. But I can forgive you Vi, I can easily forgive that lie.'

'Second, she would accept me, even LOVE me as Pretty Boy.'

'Third, Since I don't feel guilty when I have thoughts of you, the only reason I thought I needed confession was that I SHOULD. But, the monsignor had said,
No guilt, no sin,
no sin, no need to confess.'

'And MOST IMPORTANTLY You DO love ME! Now I just gotta convince your to leave Frank. I'll leave the Collar behind. You said you would love Pretty Boy even if I jumped into the life with both feet.'

'To be with you Vi, MY Angel, I 'd sell My Soul to the Devil.
Maybe that's exactly what I'll do...'

He had to plan. He wanted to tell her all of these things but first he had to have things in place.

"Go in peace Violet, my child. And thank God that he's given you a second chance. Don't waste it."

"Yes Monsignor..I'll think about what you said." She stood and quietly left the confessional.

Gerard held his breath praying she would NOT go looking for him immedately.

"So my boy what do you wish to confess? At least eavedropping I assume?"

Gerard froze. CAUGHT.

"You KNEW I was here Monsignor? But you said no one but you two and God..would... WAIT a minute you SAID ONLY the souls in the confessional YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME DIDN' T you? You knew I was here and could Hear?" Gee was glad of it, but he was also a bit shocked.

"Yes my boy, Brother Way even I could hear you gasp when she said she loved you. Stop this masquerade boy. You don't belong in that collar. No more than she belongs with a man that..HURTS her."

"Tell Me Monsignor how bad is it Really. Is her life REALLY in danger?"

"Honestly son, I am VERY worried. You know Iero's temper. You know how often he resorts to using his hands. He doesn't do it often, and he does appear to be genuinely remorseful. Violet always is treated like a queen for a while afterward but...I don't see a happy end for her if she stays with him, whether you choose to love her or not."

"Well Father about what you said, about choice..? You right I got none. I can't help but love her. I've tried." His hands went into his hair, as he remebered the times he tried to, nothing and NO body had worked.. his eyes went out of focus as he thought back.

"I Really tried to stop, to forget her, to give up on a life with her. I thought I could.., and I JUST.. Can't."

He stopped and smiled. "But..now, hearin' what she said. I don't think I HAVE to.."

"But what do I do now? I mean she IS right..The ONLY WAY I Can keep her safe..Is to go back to the life..And...and I would if..If I could be sure...That she wants me. That she wants a life WITH me."

"I beleive she made that perfectly clear. She LOVES YOU BOY, don't spit on that. DON'T Turn your Back on Love. Most people never find it. God is giving you a second chance."

Gerard nodded. The old priest was right. But he couldn't take the collar of not just yet.

"I know your right Monsignor ,,I do..But..I can't just tear the collar off. Not till everything is in place. And I have to be sure She wants me. If She does. If she admits TO ME that she loves ME, If she tells ME she wants ME, then ...Then I will move heaven and earth to be with her."

"I have to find her. I have to know."

"And what about Iero?"

"If she wants me. If she loves me, wants a life with me, and he won't letter her go...Frank had better watch out. PrettyBoy won't take no for answer."

He said as he stood up and left the confessional, to go look for his love.

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:28 am

Gerard saw Vi silhouetted against the front doors of church, the sun was shining in on her.
The warmth pouring down on her and into church along with the other parishioners finally.
He couldn't talk to her too privately now but at least he COULD talk TO her.
He suddenly remembered the veil in his pocket.

He reached into his pocket as he walked up to her. For appearances, he pretended they were just meeting,
just now, just this morning.

"Hello Violet. This is yours. The nuns saved it."

Violet looked up at him, not quite getting the hello. Then she
thought of what most of these people would think of her,
if they knew she had spent last night a lone with Gee.
Even if she was in a hospital bed.

She caught on real quick. Vi even managed to play along.
"Oh! Thank goodness. I was worried it was ruined forever! It's so precious to me. I don't wanna wear anything else."

'YEAH she learns REAL FAST.' Gee thought as he wondered if she was sending him secret messages.

He held out his hand palm up. She gingerly took the lace from it.
For the briefest second her fingertips brushed his palm.
She could feel the heat of him through the lace.

It send shock waves through both of their bodies.

Gee couldn't help it when he gasped.
Mr. Schechter tried to hide a smile.
"Problem, Brother Way?"

"Just a shock, that time of year." Gerard said as his eyes watched her every move.
He considered what he was willing to do for HER, even DIE for her.

"Mm yes, there is electricity in the air isn't there?" MR. S said with a slight smirk..Pretty boy wasn't gone, just hiding behind that collar, just waiting for his Angel, to call him back.

"Violet, Mrs. P., would you like to sit with me? I've arranged for the Mass to be offered in Gerard's Parent's as well as your Mother's and Father's memories.
I'd like you to take up the gifts as well."

"How kind of you Brian. Violet's parents were quite fond of you."

"My pleasure Pani (Mam or Mrs. in Polish), your son was like a brother to me."

"Would you like to join us for a meal this afternoon sir? Violet's spaghetti? Her mothers recipe?"

"With that tempting an offer, how could I possibly refuse?"

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:39 am

Mr. Schechter smirked, that was the second time she asked him. And he was sure it wasn't forgetfulness. Violet's grandmother was still sharp as a tack. Buscia was pushing the meal, she had an agenda, Brian was sure. And since he suspected it was to get the young lovers back together, he was more that willing to play along. He wanted to see Violet and Gerard happy.

"It'll be a full house tonight, won't it Brother Way? I assume since Mikey mentioned he'd be there that you will be to." It wasn't a question, it was a command.

Gerard answered the tone in his voice guarded. "I'd like that sir. Unless the Monsignor has plans for me."
"I'm sure he doesn't. You're not attached to the parish. NOT YET."

Gerard got the feeling that Mr. Schechter knew something he didn't.
He eyed him warily,. If Mr. Schechter was on their side, that would make having a life with Violet MUCH easier. If not...Inks would stay right where he was. And Violet would either have to continue to whore herself to Inks or run away with Gee.

While Gee would just as soon run if it was the only way he could have a life with her. He wanted MORE, to give her a decent life.

He wanted to provide for her, and take care of her. He wanted to give her fine things and a nice home. A place to raise children and the picket fence, the whole nine yards.

If he had to break a few laws to do that ..well as long as she was happy, and he could hold her in his arms at night, and wake up next to her in the morning..he didn't mind breaking a law or two.

Pretty Boy would do anything to be with his Angel.

Anything.

It was such a pretty day, no one was in a rush to enter church, except Violet. She looked up at Gee from under her long dark lashes. She seemed frightened. Gee realised she was trying to not show him how she felt. She had No Idea he had heard her say she still loved him.

He wanted to tell her he knew. And that he would stop at nothing to make a life for them, if that is what she wanted.
He asked her quietly, "Violet could I speak to you for just a moment? Maybe in the church yard? Just for a moment?"

"I...I'm not sure that's..." Violet looked at Mr.Schechter, for approval since he parents had died, he had become the strongest male presence in her mind. Even Frankie listened to him. And he was one of her Godparents, the only one she had left, as his wife and the Ways were all dead. Vi looked to him for guidance.

The older man looked at the young man so obviously in love with his godchild.

"I think we had better get inside, you and Violet will have plenty of time to catch up this afternoon at her Buscia's house."
The older man saw Gerard start to protest. "Now, here, IS NOT the place BROTHER Way." He shot Gerard a look and the younger man finally seemed to get the message. He nodded and stepped aside.

Mr. Schechter offered Violet and her grand-mother his arms and escorted them to his pew. Right in the front row.

Gerard would be able to look at her often. Violet would have no where to hide.

She genuflected and slid into the pew last closest to the aisle, as Mr. Schechter went to the back of church to make sure all of his requests were being taken care of.

She knelt down, she had NO IDEA what to pray for. Whether to be thankful that Gee was here, or to pray to not either lead him, or be led by him into temptation?

Fleur de Lis · Fleur de Lis on Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:50 am

There was a murmur that started in the back of church and worked its way up. Violet assumed it was people recognizing Gee. She had no idea what it really was.

Violet's head was still down in prayer when she saw two feet next to the outside of the pew. From the movement, she could tell the person was genuflecting.
"Move over, Dollface, would you?"

She looked up, shocked to see Frankie. Hair combed, fresh shave and nice pressed suit, hat in hand.

If she didn't know better, she would swear he was some nice respectible, honest, devout businessman.

But Vi knew better. Frankie, though raised in the church - except for Christmas and Easter, he hadn't come to church in ages. She drew in a ragged breath. This was going into be a nightmare.

Mass seemed to drag on forever. Latin was not a language that Violet easily understood. She could sing in it, and say her responses in it. She knew some of what it meant. But she always felt cut off. She almost always found herself thinking or daydreaming about something. Today was even worse.

She didn't have to imagine him there. He was there and occasionally she looked up to find him staring at her.

Each time their eyes met they would quickly look away, only to slowly work their way back.

Gee had all sorts of thoughts running through his head.

'She loves me!...But she's not safe! Frankie won't ever let her be! He'll always hold her grandma's meds over her head.'

'As long as I wear the collar, I can't protect her from Frankie.'

But would she let him protect her? If he took it off and she still pushed him away... He didn't have any idea what he'd do then.

And if he took it off permanently, what then?
He'd need a job and a place to live.
He'd want her with him, it'd have to be a decent place. And he'd need to make enough to take care of her and her grandma's meds.
And he'd need to protect her.

'Mr. Schechter'll give me a job, I know he will. All I need to do is ask for it.'

But he couldn't provide for her the way he wanted to as Mr. S's accountant or in any of his legit businessess. Not even as a foreman.

Not to mention protect her and himself from Inks.

'No...If I take off the collar... Pretty Boy HAS to come back.
AND stronger than ever. '

He'd have to claim his position in Violet's heart and in her bed as well as in Mr. Schechter's business. His REAL business.

He knew Mr. Schechter had wanted to be grooming him before and Gee had fought it.

Now if it meant he could have Violet, and love her and have her love in return..Have a life with her...He'd sell his soul to the devil if he had to.

Mr. Schechter wasn't that bad.
And either way, either they'd run or if he worked for Schechter again, he could be with his Angel.
Even if the life was dangerous - even if he didn't get to grow old with her.
'Likes Mikes says, "Better a short, happy life than a long, miserable one." An He's right! ' he thought to himself.

They could be happy! He could deleriously happy with Violet!

If only she'd let them.