You Must Confess

Ooooh...this one's a good one.

(Like Lis has a bad one)

author's notes

seminarian= man who is studying for the priest hood, can be referred to as Brother or seminarian. Not a priest yet but may were the robes and in some orders the collar as well.

Monsignor= older priest title given for long service one step down from bishop usually and older man and often the parish pastor.

cassock= long black robes worn by most priests in the time period.
The cardinals in Rome still wear them now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 3

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Gerard rode on the train by the window. He watched as things became familiar again. Home. They were sending him home, to the old neighborhood, one last time, before he took his final vows.

"You must confess Gerard..You DO wanna see her, just one last time...Your Superiors are testing you..Talk about being led into temptation."

He wore the long black robes that bespoke of clergy. True he was only a seminarian, but he was allowed, even expected to wear the cassock.

Plus there were advantages to wearing them.

One, he was lousy at packing, if he had tried to wear street clothes, he'd never figure out how to NOT crease the robe. They would end up looking so bad, that it would take him all afternoon to iron it all out. And he was expected to wear them when he reported to the parish pastor.

And two, most people ignored him when he wore them. It was like he became a non-person. Not invisible, but not really there either. Oh sure, they said hello, maybe even smiled, but that was it for the most part.

Occasionally a girl, or even sometimes a boy would smile a saucy smile at him. But those were easy to ignore, unless he saw one of those smiles from Vi, they just didn't matter.

When he ran, that awful day, he tried to forget her..he REALLY did.

He tried booze, and cards, any kinda gambling really. He even tried to be with other girls...

But every time he closed his eyes he saw her face.

Every girl he kissed, he found himself wishing it were her. And as far as anything else..he just couldn't go through with it.

He even toyed with the idea of, maybe finding one of those boys...
But nothing worked..If it wasn't His Vi, His Angel..He just didn't care.

She was all that he had ever wanted.

But he had seen her that horrible night with Frank. That night was supposed to be special...He had decided to ask her to...

He shook his head, if Frankie wanted something he got it. He always did.
If Frankie wanted her, he'd get her. Sooner or later, one way or the other.

Gerard hung his head and looked down at his robes.
"And that..is why you're here, like this." He said to himself.

He looked back out the window, not really seeing the scenery passing by. His thoughts were only of her.

"I wonder...I wonder what she would think? I wonder if she knows?"

His eyes began to sting, as he thought through what he knew. "..She- she's with Frankie now..I hope 'Inks' treats her good...She deserves it, no matter what happened that night...No matter what she did."

"I wonder if she'll be there. Frank doesn't believe anymore. Maybe she'll have stopped going to church too."

He didn't have too much time to think about that, as the train was pulling into the station. He reached up and bulled down his one bag, and headed for the door.

He stepped off the train and went to stand under the awning for just a minute. He pulled out his pocket watch, a gift from Vi.

He opened it inside there was a small picture of the two of them from the summer before. He let his finger tips brush over the picture of her. They had been happy and in love. It seemed like a hundred years ago.

"I still love you Vi, My Angel...I know I shouldn't..But I do..."

I never got to read this one of the Rmy, but I am hooked now.

AN: You will notice the characters colors particularly Violet /Angel and Gerard/Pretty Boy Change a bit as they interact..this is to show that Only when Pretty Boy and his Angel are together that fully come into be who they were meant to be...

And I know the boys are not all this close in age,
but this is an AU story...

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Chapter 4

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He opened it inside there was a small picture of the two of them from the summer before. He let his finger tips brush over the picture of her. They had been happy and in love. It seemed like a hundred years ago.

"I still love you Vi, My Angel...I know I shouldn't..But I do..."

He looked around. He knew no one was expecting him yet. He wasn't required to be here until Monday. But since he knew he really shouldn't travel on Sunday..He came early. Yes he knew that the trains didn't stop, be he personally didn't want to be responsible for someone having to work, on what should have been a day of rest.

"Four o'clock, in a half hour, confessions will start. I guess I'll walk."
He smirked. "It's not like I don't know where I'm going." He said to himself as he decided to start walking. He picked up his one bag and started.

Sunday USED to be his favorite day of the week. He'd get to spend most of it with her.

Their families had always been close, maybe cause she and Mikey were the same age. Their moms had shared the same hospital ward for part of their pregnancies. When Vi was being born, his mom had suffered a minor fall. Nothing ended being wrong, but they wanted to watch her for the night just in-case. Gerard's mom was the first one, besides her own mother and father to hold Baby Pojahowitz.

It was she that commented on her eyes giving Vi her name.
"There so deep blue they almost look that purplely blue in a rainbow. And she seems so sweet, like a little angel.."
From that, her parents gave her, her name. The families, already close, became closer. They made each other's their children's God-parents, as Gerard had already was.

And as they grew up, they all played, and grew and changed together. They went to the same school, attended the same masses. Gerard had never even noticed the pigtails leaving and the modest makeup coming.

But Mikey had.

And Frank too.

Then one day, that all changed. One Friday afternoon Mikey left school in a foul mood.
"It's bullshit is what it is!! Fucking bullshit!!"

"Hey you kiss our mother with that mouth!"
His older brother teased him.
"What's got your knickers all in a twist?" He said as they all walked home together. Frankie chimed in.
"They pushed Vi up!" Gerard looked to one of the three girls walking in the cluster in front.

He pushed his way forward. "They did? Vi you're a junior now?"
"I guess, but I don't really wanna be, I mean I don't really know anybody in that class."
"Aww sure ya do Vi..you'll be in my classes." Frankie beamed. "Toro's too. I'll get you in ALL SORTS o' trouble." His eyes twinkled with mischief.

Vi rolled her eyes. "Yeah geez thanks Frankie, that's all I need to hear. Pop's gonna either pitch a fit or be pleased as punch. I dunno which..."

"I'm sure Mr.P will be tickled pink. And don't worry about Frankie.., he bother's you too much, you come see me." He took two steps in-front of her and blocked the whole groups progress. He tucked his chin to his chest, dipping his head, his eyes trying to connect with hers.
"You hear me Vi? I mean it. You have any trouble you come see me? Got it?"

For the first time ever he noticed how purple-blue her eyes were, as her frightened eyes looked up into his. His breath caught in his throat, as she gave him a small smile.

"Really? Thanks, Gee I will."
-----
He remembered those purple-blue eyes all to well, he saw them most nights in his dreams..Dreams he KNEW he shouldn't be having.
"They HAVE to stop..I Can't take the vows like this. Maybe if I see her with 'Inks' again, maybe that will stop them, especially if she's happy..."

But Gerard had no idea what he'd find if he walked in to that church today.

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing...

Here's you answer ladies...I hope this doesn't sound too much like a history lesson

Late 1920's. The Roaring twenties during *gasp* Prohibition...
here's a where it is on wiki
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prohibition_in_the_United_States

This is after the Sufferagettes got women the right to vote and before the Great Depression clamped down on American society as a whole..

This is YOUNG women began to Cut their hair and wear Lipstick, show their *gasp* knees!

WWI was over and it had completely change the world as everyone knew it..

Speakeasy's and nightclub's where filled with a mix of Races and yes open sexuality was expressed in multiple forms. There was a THRIVING gay community in most of the larger cities. Mae West who was WELL ahead of her time wrote a play about homosexuality and it was a box office success!
It wasn't until the 1930's when the country was in the grip of The Great Depression when everything changed...

Sorry if this sounded preachy..
and BTW all the religous references in here were appropriate for the time..I will explain anything if I think it might be hard to understand. If you don't get something just ask...

But our story dear readers takes place during that Golden Age called the Roaring 20's....

now if only Gerard would learn to Live a little
..Maybe Vi will show him how...
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Chapter 5

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He remembered those blue eyes all to well, he saw them most nights in his dreams..

Dreams he KNEW he shouldn't be having.

"They HAVE to stop..I Can't take the vows like this. Maybe if I see her with 'Inks' again, maybe that will stop them, especially if she's happy..."

But Gerard had no idea what he'd find if he walked in to that church today.

Gee was apprehensive. His superiors knew his history. With Vi, where he grew up, the crowd he had run with, his connections to Mr. Schechter.

They had sent him here back home as kind of a final TEST.

They wouldn't let him take his final vows until they knew he had faced his past.
Until they knew he had TRULY walked away,
and the past was indeed through with him.

It didn't take him long to get to the rectory. Lots of people waved,
apparently here at home they saw Gerard wearing black, NOT a man of the cloth.

The pastor was in church hearing confessions, he figured he may as well go over there. He could help get church prepared for the next day's mass.

He couldn't hear confession yet, he couldn't do that until
after his final vows.

Unless it was life and death - in that case anyone could do that.
If there was imminent loss of life, yes, but otherwise...

So he walked quietly in to the back way of the church, he came out the side door, across the altar, he genuflected, crossing himself.

He didn't noticed the crying figure until he heard her voice.

"I just don't wanna hurt him again." He stopped there on one knee. He looked at the altar rail.

Here, of all places, he was being led into temptation.

Should he say something, or go back the way he'd come? He looked over his shoulder. She hadn't noticed him. Her head was bent, her face partly covered by her lace veil.

The one he'd given her, he was sure of that.

"So I have my answer, she hasn't forgotten me - at least not entirely." He whispered so softly no one else heard him.

He swallowed, he was going to have to face her eventually.
Here in church, in public, was as good a place as any.

And at-least she wasn't with Frankie.

"Thank you God that he's not here..Thank you for not leading him into temptation. Ha! That's if he'd even remembers me..He's probably forgotten all about me..."

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut tight.
'If only I could My Sweet Angel.. If only I could.' Gee whispered at her, part of him hoping against hope, that she would hear.

Violet knelt at the altar after another confession that she knew was probably NOT a good one.

In order for it to be a good one you had to be SORRY for what you did AND PROMISE to try not to commit your sins again.

She wasn't sorry Frankie was screwing her. It was a business transaction as far as Vi was concerned. He got her, her grandma got her medicines, and someone to take care of her most days.

And besides Frankie WAS good at it. Violet had to admit, she DID ENJOY what Frankie did to her..mostly anyways.

And as far as it not happening again..well that was NOT an option.

If it wasn't Frankie it would have to be some other mug. She couldn't afford to take care of her grandma otherwise.

And Frankie was REALLY good to her. Vi suspected he might even have some feelings for her.

No, for Vi, she saw no other options for her life.

It would have been different if Gerard was here.

She would work her fingers till they bled, night and day, if it meant she could be with him. If she could see his face smiling at her.

The life they should have had. Before she had made one stupid mistake and her world Came Crashing Down around her ears.

Because of that one night, she lost him, and ultimately, she suspected but couldn't prove, her Ma and Pop too.

If ONLY she had not been so STUPID. If only she had just been, just been patient. He would still be here, with her.

Maybe they'd even be married by now.

But it was her fault, ALL her fault, and for THAT
and that alone she was sorry.

She still thought of him. Daily. In her dreams she was his. And they were happy and in love.

Sometimes, in the dark, when Inks was screwing her, if he was gentle, she'd pretend it wasn't Inks at all.

And she KNEW that was a sin. To WANT a MAN that now belonged to God.

But again she couldn't be sorry. Those dreams, and fantasies, where sometimes all that got her through.

"I'M Grateful Lord that I can't hurt him anymore. I'm glad he can't see me like this. Though I wish to God I could see him, even just once more."

Gerard knew he should not be listening to her private prayers. But he was elated, inside, that she had not forgotten him, even though he knew there was nothing he could do about it...

He stood and crossed the altar. He stood before her as she knelt at the rail. She hadn't raised her head.

"Hello Vi." He said softly.

She looked up. She was convinced she was seeing things.

"Ge-Gerard?" Her eyes glazed over. She HAD to be seeing things!

"Yes Vi, It's me." He smiled a bit at her beautiful confusion. She was even lovelier than he had remembered. Her face even sweeter than in his dreams.

He was not prepared for what happened next.

As Violet looked up at him, her head began to spin. Gerard saw her eyes roll back into her head and she began to fall backwards in a dead faint.

Gerard reached for her as he realised what was about to happen.
But he couldn't reach her time.

He heard the loud CRACK as her head hit the marble floor...